It's time to book in for a personality upgrade.

By JULIA ALEXANDER

Well we don’t just call a spade a spade anymore, do we? We call it a motherf*cking shovel.

Whether it is the veil of anonymity on the internet or simply catching someone at the wrong time, it seems like the claws are out for anyone and everyone these days and there’s no hesitation in digging them in.

A new mother jokes about being tired of being asked about sleep: what an ungrateful, soon-to-be friendless cow. You will never/will always/may consider voting liberal: either way someone will probably find a way to blame you for singlehandedly destroying our country and forcing someone else’s child into daycare. Hold on, you chose to send your child to daycare?…. let the tirade begin.

The attacks are personal and aggressive. Even writing this piece I question which parts might be torn apart, entirely misconstrued as offensive, demeaning, or possibly aiding Kony and there but for the (dis)grace of Yumi Stynes go we all…

So I wonder, why are we so quick to jump down each other’s throats? Why, instead of applauding effort or individuality, do we try to find failing in others, no matter how small or insignificant? I am the first person to put my hand up to voice an opinion and respect everyone’s right to do so.  Brave and tenancious women fought long and hard to give me the right to do so. I doubt very much however these same women would be proud to see flocks of us anonymously speculating about each other’s appearance or personal lives just because they disagree with a particular political persuasion or parenting style or god forbid use of gender specific words.

When and how did it get so bad? When did we all become such bitches? Whilst conceding that yes, I am generalizing, it seems that women are incredibly adept at pointing out each other’s flaws – even in ourselves. Which makes us our own worst enemies. Are we hell bent on taking other women down simply because we disagree with them or perhaps there is some deeper nagging insecurity about something in our own lives. The more we criticize others, the more likely we are to feel that we in turn are being criticized and it’s time to break the cycle and cut the crap.

As it’s been said far more eloquently before, intelligent people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people.  Let’s just think about that for a minute. When someone expresses an opinion (provided it is an idea as opposed to superficial musings about other people) they are generally showing their intelligence – whether or not you agree with them.  Who are you to then attack the person as opposed to the idea? Apparently a pretty small one.

It looks like it’s time some of us booked in for a personality upgrade.

It is too late (and probably entirely inappropriate and hypocritical) to “give up bitching for lent”, so instead I am going to refrain from making, indulging in or secretly enjoying all bitchy comments/narky digs/inappropriate interest in other people’s lives for the next month to see how it improves my state of mind. Who knows, hopefully I’ll keep going for the next month, and even the month after that too.  I am going to reserve my opinions for ideas and theories, not people.

So come on and join me and ditch the bitch. Celebrate everyone’s achievements, whether you could have done better (or just wish that you did).  For anyone who’d rather not, well I am just going to make like Ellen DeGeneres – “My haters are my motivators”.

Julie Alexander is a former lawyer, stay at home mum, documentary producer and wannabe Alpha Wife.

Do you think that women are their own worst enemies?