The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 15: The weird sex act that's divided the men and the women. 

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight 2019 recaps and gossip, check out the Twins recaps and visit our MAFS hub page.

We open on Bronson reflecting on how his relationship is progressing with The Devil Ines.

They’ve had a few hiccups, mostly as a result of Ines being possessed. Spiritually. By a demon.

But things are looking up for Bronson. Since they’ve stopped speaking they no longer fight, and while they still can’t occupy the same room/floor/building, Bronson assures us “there’s no rush”.

But there is. In that life is finite. And your wife is cheating on you. With Chicken Pox Sam. 

Ines wakes up next to Chicken Pox Sam, in her underwear, and the only thought we have is, “Well. Now you have chicken pox of the vagina and whose fault is that?”

They insist they both have a very strong spiritual connection even though their conversation hasn't progressed beyond their favourite variation of... olive... and then assure us "We're both here for the right reasons."

Which is to cheat. On people. 

Because this is now a (very bad) scripted drama and not a reality television show, as Ines leaves in one lift, Elizabeth emerges from the other.

She's back from being... sick... with something that allegedly was not chicken pox. Sweetheart tell us what it was, was it the syphilis Sam brought back from Ibiza? Because this man needs to be quarantined. Permanently. 

This entire fake scene would be fine if it weren't for Sam's appalling acting including what the script indicated were to be 'guilty eyes' when Elizabeth returned.

What ensues is the most bizarre conversation about where Elizabeth has been and why she couldn't contact him. The whole thing was clearly orchestrated by the producers to ensure that Ines and Sam had the time but also the space to have sexual intercourse and thus pay Channel Nine's wages for the next financial year.

Meanwhile, Bronson has taken Ines out to lunch and keeps telling her how much she's "glowing" and YES WE KNOW BRONSON THAT WOULD BE SAM'S SEMEN.

He suggests that maybe he moves back into their apartment but Ines is confused... because she likes the part where they don't see each other or ever speak.

BUT SHHHHH IT'S TIME FOR GURLZ NIGHT AND BOIZ NIGHT.

While Yelling Mel is getting ready she shouts, "I'M GOING TO GET VERY LOOSE," and, oh.

We thought you were.... already... nevermind.

Over in Ines' apartment she's reflecting on how, "people who preach they are about female empowerment are just lying to themselves."

Honey, you were not paid nearly enough to say that line and we need you to know that.

As a side note, Kim Kardashian is being particularly Kim Kardashian today, in a loud pink hat that says "F*ck you I'm famous."

The gurlz start talking about Jules and Cam's love story etc. and Ines tells the camera, "Jules and Cam might be in love... but she might be desperate. I don't know, I don't care," and holy sh*t Ines SO BADLY wants to be mean about Jules and Cam but she can't think of anything to say it's so sad for her.

During a lull in conversation, Jessika yells, "WE CONSUMMATED OUR MARRIAGE," and yes there's silence because no no one knows what 'consummated' means.

"We had sex," she clarifies and the women know that word very well.

She's upset because she feels like Mike manipulated her into having sex with Mick and Jesus we can't even follow who these people are anymore.

Meanwhile, Mike is now pressuring Dino into doing the sex with Mel, and there's a slight 'slam her' chant and look we're less offended than we expected to be.

HUSH NOW ELIZABETH IS LATE TO DRINKS and no there's no explanation.

She decides to tell the gurlz about her hook up with Sam the night before she left, and explains, "He was sticking his thumb in my mouth," and... wait wut.

No... wonder you got sick. He literally put his chicken pox finger in your mouth hole and then you disappeared for a week with an undisclosed illness.

We cannot with the blatant disregard for health standards.

BUT EXCUSE US SAM TELLS THE STORY OF THE CHICKEN POK HAND SUCKING STORY DIFFERENTLY PLS.

Sam tells da boiz that he was merely trying to palm Elizabeth off, physically with his chicken pok hand when she seductively inserted an infected digit into her mouth and caressed it with her tongue. 

No.

We are so invested in this story and it is all we will ever care about.

Da boiz want to know why Michael is so quiet when Martha is around and, um, that would be because he's in the presence of Kim Kardashian? IDK weird question.

But pause, because the gurlz night has taken a turn.

It started when Ines decided it's very disrespectful to talk about Sam's thumb sucking at the table and our favourite thing in the world is when people who are cheating start yelling about respect. 

But then Ines a little bit made fun of people with mental illness and approximately everyone took offence.

Cyrell decides now would be the time to tell Elizabeth about the rumour that Ines and Sam hooked up in the sauna and EVERYONE STARTS YELLING.

Ines tells Cyrell not to point her finger because it's rude and Cyrell responds, rationally, with "I'M A F*CKING RUDE BITCH," and yes darling you are loved, unconditionally.

Ines is confronted about her probable affair with Sam, and she publicly denies it.

Someone, we think it's Jules, breaks up the fight and we shan't ever forgive her.

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

Catch up on all our recaps, right here:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 13: The lie that's going to end in disaster. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 12: The sentence that broke Australia. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 11: The sex request that almost breaks Ex-Virgin Matt.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 10: This cheating scandal feels especially... mean. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 9: The commitment ceremony that came with a content warning.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 8: We finally know why Sam refused to contact his wife.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 7: We just watched a man lose his virginity on national TV.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 6: We have a shameful theory about the runaway groom. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 5: One man has concerns about his wife's weight and... no.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 4: The man who'd rather his woman not speak. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 3: A bride sabotages her own wedding and GURL.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 2: We need to talk about Ivan.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 1: A best man's speech just ruined an entire wedding.

And for more Married at First Sight 2019 recaps and gossip, visit our MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.