Dear Society, what if we truly and actually only want (gasp) one baby?
I see your knowing smiles now that my sweet baby has become a toddling terror. When I don’t feel like a wine with dinner, and those looks are exchanged across the table. He’s 18 months. It’s time.
They must be trying.
When I’m at the grocery store and my little guy is tossing cereal boxes into the cart with an energy that only comes from being a toddler, and I get the well-meaning yet inevitable “You think he’s a handful now – wait until you have two!” comments.
And it’s not just directed at mums. My husband has started hearing it at work too. “Oh, your son is 18 months? Must be time to get busy again,” haha, wink wink.
I get it. I do. It actually feels like everyone I know is pregnant with their second right now. And each time my social media feed shows yet another baby announcement or gender reveal, I’m hit with a wave of nostalgia.
I hope you won’t stop reading if I tell you I’m one of the freaks who adored pregnancy. Every niggle and sensation. Even being sick made me excited because I knew it meant my levels were high. And it’s also important to say I love babies and children, and I love that my friends are having more babies for my baby (and me) to play with. I’m the first one to throw the baby shower or drop by with a lasagna.
But I don’t love having to combat familial expectations from strangers in the cereal aisle. Or the sad, sympathetic looks when they hear my affirmative response to “Just the one?” like something must be wrong.
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For everyone worrying about the sharing issue, just thought I’d give the solution my Mum used - because she was worried about that, too.
Answer - make your kid share with you! Explain that now it’s Mummy’s turn to choose the game/book etc, cut snacks in half, etc....Empathy - explain how Mummy feels when she doesn’t get to have a turn, explain that the dog feels threatened when kiddo tries to play in the kennel so kiddo learns to respect others and their property.
Most importantly let them see Mum & Dad sharing and saying things like “oh, I love watermelon but I know it’s your favourite so you have the last slice”.
Only children aren’t doomed to selfishness, a little bit of communication will do the trick :)
Thank you so much for writing this. I completely agree that most people expect families to have two kids (except for situations where you can't, such as pregnancy or birth issues, or the parents separating).
I had always planned to have two kids about two years apart, but financially we absolutely couldn't afford it. At first this was devastating for me, as it shattered the picture in my end of the 'ideal' family.
In hindsight, I'm so glad we didn't have two children close together. It was definitely easier only having one child and our trio was extremely close and we had an awesome family dynamic.
Now that my daughter is older, we've taken on a younger child as a foster child, which is an alternative option I hadn't previously considered. My daughter didn't 'need' a sibling close in age, and I wasn't desperately keen to have another baby, but we were happy to provide a family to a child who needed one, so that's how it's worked out for us.