By EM RUSCIANO
I like to think I cartwheel on the line of friend and parent.
Yes, I want to be BFFs with my kids.
That sound you may be hearing is the alarm going off at Dr Phil’s solid gold Texas mansion – as we speak he is racing to his diamond encrusted Bentley to report me to Oprah. I’m expecting a call from his producers at any tick of the clock. I’ll be invited on his show where I’ll perch atop one of those ridiculously high chairs while he yells “If someone disagrees with me, then somewhere, a village is missing their idiot”! – Good one Dr Phil.
What I’m saying is, most experts disagree with me. Most experts feel you shouldn’t be pals with your kid. You may also disagree with me to, but that’s ok, I still like you.
My eldest daughter is on the precipice of puberty. I have gone from living with a smiley, enthusiastic, agreeable child to co-habitating with a small, moody, eye-rolling politician. Everything must be justified and negotiated, there is a fair bit of huffing and puffing going on as well.
Up until this year we have been best buddies who agree on pretty much everything and knew how to compromise on the issues we disagreed on. I had her quite young so I guess we’ve grown up together.
I remember how intense my teenage years were, do you? Remember how you felt every thing eleventy thousand times more than the adults in your life did? I was reminded of this recently, when One Direction changed their concert dates from midyear to around the time of the end of year exams. Young girls all over Australia were absolutely desolate, with one fan tweeting: “Two whole years come down to 5 exams. If 1D come and therefore distract us WHAT IF WE FAIL? No uni, no future.”
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Top Comments
I just had another thought - teachers, especially highschool teachers, can be a good example of balancing that friend/authoritarian line. My favourite teachers from highschool pretty much were our friends - or a type of friend, at any rate. They would laugh and gossip and joke around with us but when it came down to it they were not afraid to be authoritarian and lay down the law - whether that meant raising their voice when necessary, sending someone to the principal's office, or just a warning. In that moment we would be reminded they were the teacher and not just another friend, and that's a good thing - something teachers (and parents) need to instill in their students/children.
"Dramatic? Maybe, but man I miss feeling that passionately about everything. Don’t you?" No. No I do not. Last year when packing up the house to move I came across my highschool diaries and had a bit of a read. My goodness. Glad that is over. And I had a good adolescence - (mostly) wonderful friends, relatively good grades, good teachers, good school, nice holidays, etc.
I also think you do need to be prepared to be an authoritarian. Some parents will never need to be because they have naturally obedient children who don't want to do anything dodgy or dangerous (I'm not being sarcastic, I mean it). But you need to be willing and prepared to be. Otherwise you won't be able to enforce the boundaries you say you put in place. Being an authoritarian also does not mean you can't be friends with your kid. It just means you can't ALWAYS be friends with your kid. And that, for most teenagers, WILL be a reality at some point if you intend to actually enforce boundaries.