By DANI LOMBARD
There, I’ve said it. I am almost 6 months pregnant with my first child and so far I can safely say that I’m not digging the pregnancy thing.
This is a confession I am reluctant to make out loud for fear of being CHASED OUT OF TOWN with a pitchfork for being ungrateful, not loving my child-to-be, or generally being a vain prick who thinks only of themselves.
Let me get something very straight. I am very much aware of the fact that I am growing and developing a new life inside me. And in the past couple of weeks, when I felt my little girl kick for the first time, I felt the sheer magnitude of this reality set in. There is a HUMAN. ALIVE. THAT LIVES IN MY GUTS! It moves, it wriggles, it does all kinds of stuff, and all the while I am pottering around, continuing with my life as we share a body.
Let me get something else straight. I am very grateful for being fortunate enough to have fallen pregnant. I have many friends who have undergone fertility treatments and felt sure I would be one of them when my period cycles turned out to be heinously long after 100 years of being on the pill, I found cysts on my ovaries and was diagnosed with a VORACIOUSLY underactive thyroid. I figured I’d carry on with my life for another couple of months and then trot off to see a fertility specialist “like everyone else”. Fortunately, I feel pregnant naturally, without much effort at all and this isn’t something I take for granted.
And, for the record, I already love my unborn baby. This is a feeling that has developed naturally since I found out I was with child at 6 weeks and gets stronger every week. I can’t wait to meet her and smother her with awesome loving-ness.
NOW THAT WE’VE CLEARED UP THE FORMALITIES, let me explain why so far, I could do without the whole pregnancy rigmarole.
1) BLEEHRRG CITY. POPULATION: ME
Up until 13 weeks, like the majority of pregnant women, I felt incredibly nauseous from the minute I woke up until about 5pm, when I would notice with relief, that I felt slightly less nauseous until I went to bed. For those who haven’t had morning sickness, I can assure you that 6 weeks is a long time to feel like horse shit for. And while I never chucked up my guts, it was a very long, arduous first trimester, riddled with the usual worries about miscarrying, not getting the all clear at the 12 week scan and the fact that, around the clock, I felt utterly heinous.
2) ALERT: WIDE LOAD COMING THROUGH
The only thing that made me feel better, as you can guess, was shoving starchy carbs, cheese, 2 minute noodles, strawberry milk and sparkling apple juice down my gullet. Preferably at the same time. While my appetite has returned to normal and I am once again able to eat salad without wanting to DIE, this period of gluttony has, among other things, has caused me to put on 9 kg by the 23 week mark. Which is above the high end of the scale of what is recommended as healthy pregnancy weight gain for height and build.