"We’ve been married for 10 years, why has he never done this for me before?"

Jo Abi

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for 10. Every few months we’ve gotten into the habit of having one of those deep and meaningful conversations where we reassess the status of our relationship.

In love?


Still want to be together?

It’s fun to do, like a little check in on the temperature of our decision to join our lives forever, except the last time we did this, I did have one tiny request to make of him.

We usually end the conversation by thanking each other for the little things we do…I pack his lunch, he takes out the rubbish every day without needing a standing ovation…but when he recently asked me if there was anything I wanted him to do that he wasn’t doing, I paused.

There was something.

I saw the panic in his eyes and started laughing. “Not THAT hon,” I reassured him.

“Then what?”

“Sometimes it would be nice if you brought me a cup of coffee or tea while I’m working.”

“Huh, okay, I can do that.”

He’s brought me drinks before and food. He’s purchased coffee for me before but he’s never boiled the kettle and made my beloved instant by which I map out my day.

Every morning I drink two cups of coffee, then in the afternoon or at night I have one cup of tea.

We decided to start with the tea. For some reason he thought this would be easier than coffee.

“I like my tea strong, with one flat teaspoon of raw sugar and lots of milk.”

He started with tea because it was easier

I heard him rattling around the kitchen for a good fifteen minutes trying to do all of this, asking a million questions. I answered them all calmly. Clearly it would have been easier to just do it myself but once he got the hang of it, I could just relax and he’d do it perfectly.

“Where are the teabags?”

“In the red container on the counter that says, ‘tea’”.

“Where is the sugar?”

“Next to the tea container.”


“Which milk?”

“The one that isn’t chocolate.”

He brought me my tea and stood nervously while I had a sip. It was good, except it needed a little extra milk.

With that hurdle taken care of, we decided to move on to coffee.

We decided to wait until Sunday morning when we had time to go through this process properly. He was visibly relieved I didn’t need him to use my Italian coffee maker which I only use when we have guests.

He filled up the kettle and I heard all the rattling around. Then the questions.

“The same mug I used for your tea?”

“No, that one’s just for tea. For coffee I use the blue one with the lamb on it.”

“Which coffee?”

“The jar next to the tea.”

“How much?”

It always needs a teaspoon of sugar

“A heaped teaspoon of coffee and a flat teaspoon of raw sugar.”

Then I heard him pour in water and some extremely vigorous stirring.

“It’s coffee, not a milkshake,” I called out.

“What?” He sounded a bit frazzled by that stage.

“Nothing,” I said.

I heard him open and close the fridge. Then he proudly carried it out to me with the spoon still in it.

“I don’t need the spoon,” I said sternly. Gosh this was fun.

“Sorry,” he took it out and waited while I took a sip.

“Hmmm, good, but it needs more milk,” I said. He topped it up and then we were done.

So now my husband knows how I take my tea and coffee and it only took 15 years for him to get there.

It’s the little things.

What are the little things your partner does for you each day that you love?

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