An open letter to every working mum-to-be.

You’re not letting anyone down. Do what is right for you.

Dear Mum-To-Be,

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope that you are one of the lucky women who breeze through pregnancy glowing and looking like a model for a maternity wear catalogue!

Finding out you are pregnant causes you to feel many different emotions. Joy at the thought of the new arrival to your family, fear that something will go wrong or that you aren’t quite ready, worry that you won’t be the great mum your baby deserves and excitement at all the new adventures you are about to embark upon with your new family member.

However another emotion often pops up. Guilt. Yes, before your baby is even born.

Early feelings of guilt often relate to the workplace.

“If I don’t tell my employer that I am pregnant straight away then I am letting them down.”

“I shouldn’t really put my hand up for that promotion or big project opportunity as I will be going on maternity leave soon.”

“I need to push through this terrible feeling of exhaustion and nausea so I don’t let my team down.”

You need to STOP those thoughts as soon as they surface. As a pregnant woman in the workplace you are protected by the law, the fact that you are pregnant is irrelevant to your employer unless you do a role that exposes you to potential risks or dangers.

Your right to apply for a new job, a promotion or to run a project is not affected by the fact you are pregnant, and you are not being dishonest or letting anyone down by not disclosing your pregnancy until such time that you and your family are ready.

You are still a valuable contributor to your organisation and your skills and input do not suddenly diminish because you are growing a baby inside you. The merits your employers and your managers saw in you two months ago are still valid.

If you decide to do “the right thing” and step away from the responsibilities and opportunities that lie in front of you, then how will we ever manage to achieve gender equality in the workplace? If you start to believe that your contribution is no longer important or valued, then it is likely your employer, your team and your colleagues will also start to believe the same thing. We start to allow employers to see pregnant women as weak links.

Waiting until you are comfortable to discuss your pregnancy before telling your employer is not being dishonest. You have the right to progress to a point in your pregnancy when you decide it is the time to make the announcement. As long as your employer is notified of your parental leave intention in line with legislation then you are not letting anyone down.

Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook, asked women not to “lean out” prior to them having children. She recognised the huge pool of talent which is lost by the false belief that discovering your pregnancy is the time to step back. So many hours of productivity are lost if this happens.

Think back to all you have achieved and accomplished in the last six months at work. You have the opportunity to do at least that amount again before you take some time off to have your baby. The value of your effort and contribution is exactly the same as it was six months ago before you discovered you were pregnant. Whether you plan to return or not is also irrelevant to what you can contribute now.

Of course I acknowledge that some women decide to immediately take time away from their career on discovering they are pregnant. This can be for a number of reasons, including health, cultural beliefs, suitability of career, risk elements and long commutes.

If you make the decision to step back then make sure that it is not driven by the belief that you should or through some misplaced loyalty to your employer.

The guilt that you are experiencing now will become a familiar feeling over the years.

In the next few months you will feel guilty if you eat some sushi or blue cheese, if you have a sip of alcohol, if you put on too much weight, if you don’t put on enough weight, if you have an epidural when you wanted a water birth, if you have a c-section when you wanted a natural birth, when you give your child packaged food instead of the organic home-made food you planned on, when you lose your rag and shout at this beautiful child, when you miss an important event in their lives, when you miss the life that you used to have and immediately feel ungrateful… The list goes on.

My advice to you now is to dig in and keep doing what you do well. Keep aiming to kick those career goals, as six months is a long time. The decision about where you go from here in terms of returning to work is yours, and does not have to be decided upon yet.

Learn how to hear, acknowledge and then squash that guilt.

It will stand you in good stead over the coming days, weeks, months and years.

Wishing you all the very best for the next nine months and beyond.

Meg

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