We’re sure it won’t come as a surprise to you that you and your partner have the same fights over and over again, like you’re on some kind of recurring loop. Here are the 10 most common fights married couples have, and some words of wisdom from the long-married on how to get rid of them for good.
1. The Money Fight.
It’s just a matter of time before The Money Fight rears it’s ugly head. No matter how well you begin with total financial optimism, family life can be hard. Expenses can and will get the better of you and it’s not until you hit financial hardship that you’ll find out what you are really made of.
Or, there may be no hardship at all, just a difference of opinion about how it’s spent. A good tip is to maintain separate bank accounts, assign a certain amount you can each spend on whatever you like each week or month and sort out those bills, pronto.
2. The Sex Fight.
How often, what position, which form of birth control, when to stop using birth control…The Sex Fight is a repeat offender depending on the life stage you and your partner are in.
It starts out all fine and dandy, then pesky things like work, fatigue, illness and children chip away at your sexual mojo until you find yourselves failing to physically connect in a way that is mutually fulfilling. Our best advice is to keep the lines of communication open. Openly discuss what you both want and do your best to meet each others needs.
3. The Parenting Fight.
It can be hard to raise kids together, especially when you bring different parenting ideologies from different upbringings. It’s important to discuss the big issues such as education and religion but don’t forget to decide on the little things too. When they are babies you might fight about whose turn it is to get up at night or whose turn it is to change the nappy.
As they get older you have to agree on a method of discipline, agree on the values and morals you want your kids to learn form you. The key thing here is that you have these discussion in private. Never ever fight in front of your kids.
4. The Toilet Roll Fight.
The toilet roll is a metaphor. What are the annoying habits you each have that you bicker about constantly? Every couple has them. Instead of fighting about them constantly, sit down every now and then and each of you brings up one annoying habit you want the other to stop doing or change how they are doing. If you discuss mutual discrepancies you are less likely to feel defensive.
5. The Work Fight.
He works too much or too little. You work too much or too little. He works too much for too little. You work too much for too little. Work fights can be exhausting. you both deserve to be able to pursue your dreams at the same time as put food on the table, but what if one or both of you has consuming careers? It can leave your partner feeling isolated.
Make sure that no matter how consumed by work you are you make the time to text each other, email each other, hug when you get home and have those sacred date nights at least once a month. Cute notes in his work bag or in her handbag that they’ll find during the day. Every little bit of contact counts.
Osher Gunsberg’s love advice…
6. The Beliefs Fight.
This could be a fight over religion, a fight over how religious you will be or it can even be an ethical or moral dilemma such as vegan vs carnivore. Fights over beliefs can be tricky because you want to respect each others beliefs but you also want to figure out how to raise your kids.
If you both feel strongly about your chosen religion then consider teaching your kids about both and let them make up their own minds? Facing another ethical dilemma on which you differ? Teach your child about both and let them decide. But never come between your partner and their beliefs, religion or moral choices.
7. The In Laws Fight.
Being torn between two families is normal in a relationship and there are so many ways you can compromise, as long as everyone is being reasonable. If this is a recurring fight for you then someone is being unreasonable. Don’t let yourselves become torn between the two families.
You have formed your own family and you need to do what works for all of you. Take turns spending the holidays with each family, make sure you have each others backs when it comes to any disagreements and always make sure the kids see all their grandparents in particular, so nobody feels left out.
8. The ‘I Hate Your Friends’ Fight.
So, you don’t like each others friends. That’s a good thing. It’s good to spend time apart socialising, to have ‘me time’, to miss each other. You don’t have to love each others friends but don’t come between them either.
There will come a time when you enjoy those quiet nights while he is out and he can binge-watch action flicks while you are out. If something bothers you about your partner’s friendships, talk about your concerns but be reasonable. And listen to complaints with a loving heart. Sometimes a vent is all that is needed here.
9. The TV Fight.
A common couple fight is over which TV show or movie to watch. This isn’t ever going to end. You are different people with different tastes. This doesn’t mean there aren’t shows you enjoy watching together. Make sure you spend time together watching shows and movies you both like, then watch what you want when you have some time to yourself or on different TVs and devices. It’s not a big deal. Just as long as you can agree on some mutually agreeable idiot box action you’ll be fine.
10. The Holiday Fight.
Remember that road trip he thought was a bad idea? Or the camping trip you thought was a bad idea? Modern families are time poor and cash poor. Deciding on where to holiday each year or so is often hotly contested. You may not always get your way and then it can be difficult to enjoy yourself. You really need to try your best to make the most of it. Perhaps you can take turns choosing the location, or select a holiday that has activities you will both enjoy.
This post was originally published on iVillage.com.au and is republished here with full permission.
Do these types of fights sound familiar? Can you think of any other categories that should be on the list?