Dear Husbands/Partners (not all, but many),
I’m writing on behalf of the women you’re in a relationship with. The ones you have a life with. The ones you share kids with.
They’re some of my friends, and many of my readers, and they want you to know something – because they’re telling me they’ve had enough. And I promise you, if you really heed this thing, it will be a game-changer at home. It’s that good.
So here it is:
Please stop asking the mother of your children “How can I help?”
You are an equal in this parenting gig – you’re not ‘helping’ the mother of your kids. In the exact same way you don’t ‘babysit’ your own children.
I know your intentions are good. You absolutely think you’re asking the right thing. But guys, that question is problematic. That question implies you are not as equally capable as your wife/partner in looking after the kids, and running the house – that you need a boss.
And that is absolutely not true.
You know what to do, and you don’t need permission, or instruction, from the mother of your kids to do any of it.
The Australian Census tells us that women still do the majority of the housework. But is this really any sort of surprise? The Mamamia Out Loud team discuss.
Top Comments
I feel it would have been appropriate to credit the French artist Emma's cartoon "You Should Have Asked", which elegantly discusses the issue of mental load sharing in heteronormative relationships:
https://www.google.com/amp/...
That’s the key to relationships between couples in general.
Taking initiative to play and equal part in the marriage, the parenting, the housework... even if you don’t have kids, taking initiative in all aspects of the show will not only reward you with an appreciative partner (is there anything sexier than a partner washing dishes/loading the dishwasher/putting washing on/vacuuming/ general housework etc etc without being asked consistently to do so?... nope) and you’ll also have a sense of accomplishment as well. The more times you make your place and your presence as an equal person within the household, the less your partner will nag or tell you it’s wrong or anything like that.
Honestly though, I don’t give in to the “happy wife, happy life” adage but there is truth to it and it’s so easy to do any part of the housework.
You don’t have to do ALL of it but being equal within your partnership is not only beneficial to your spouse/partner, it’s beneficial to you too.