friendship

'The trick that means I never have to hear my teens whine again. Ever.'

I have a photographic memory.

I can recall exactly what chores my 13 year old had to do when she was aged seven.

I can remember the ages each of my five daughters had to start emptying the dishwasher, making their own lunches and ironing their own school uniforms.

I know how much spending money each was allocated on family holidays, how many dances they were allowed to go to each term, how much time they were allowed on MSN, Facebook now SNAPCHAT and at what age they paid for themselves to go to a movie.

Teenagers and their devices. Enough said.

I am also a clairvoyant.

I can predict when each of my children will be paying their own mobile bills, board and vacuuming their own rooms.

 

Okay, maybe I can’t really read the future, maybe I don’t have incredible recall.

But what I do have is a extremely pretty, nice swirly-print-covered, red book with all of that information written in it.

Why?

Because I have no clue if the seven year old had to start feeding the dogs a year earlier than the eldest.

I’m really fuzzy about whether the first born was allowed to go to a school dance once or twice or even three times a term and I don’t remember saying, “You can get your first iPod when you leave primary school.”

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Are you kidding? I can’t remember who set the table last night.

But they do!!!!!!!

I can't even remember who set the table last night.

Oh, of course they forget who was last out, when the door is left open. No-one left the ice-cream wrapper on the table and it “wasn’t me” who left the Iight on in the bathroom.

But, if someone got a mobile phone the first day of high school, not as a birthday gift, they know.

If they got docked $2 pocket money for not making their bed and their younger sister only got $1 deducted ... they know.

If their older sister was allowed to go to the local shopping centre more than once after school in grade eight, they know.

In my family, the age gap between the 5 girls is 6 years. So when the youngest was seven, the eldest was 13.

I almost lost my mind.

'I almost lost my mind.'

I had rules and responsibilities for a teenager and rules and requirements for a little girl and then a whole host of in-between bits.

Before becoming a step-mum, which is now so long ago I wish I had written it down, I only had two age levels to deal with and remember. I could deflect any discrepancies by arguing that I was right, even if I wasn’t.

However with blending families, the cry of, “it isn’t fair” takes on a whole new scope of scrutiny.

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If I wasn’t consistent, I was favouring my own children or alternatively I was favouring the other girls because they weren’t biologically mine.

I'm sure this UNFAIR cry echoes endlessly in any family regardless of whether it's blended, traditional or unorthodox.

Thus - the BOOK.

The BOOK.

It’s definitely not fool-proof and as every parent knows, circumstances change and individual needs have to be met, but that book has given me some power to drown out the “it’s not fair” whine. (Of course the other sort of wine helps as well)

So now whenever a new parenting challenge arises, (and intuitively you know the ones that will matter) my husband and I write down our decisions in the book.

Such as: what jobs they have to do for how much pocket-money, when they can have a mobile phone, when are they allowed to walk to school, how much time they are allowed on Facebook, how much board and at what age it will start, can they go to a movie with a boy and when can boyfriends sleep over, will we give an 18th or a 21st, do we contribute to a car, how many driving lessons will we pay for, what’s the contribution for schoolies week ... the list is endless and every year new decisions need to be addressed.

The trick is trying to be consistent and write it down.

For us as parents, it’s just not fair, is it?

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