This time last year I was happy.
I was seeing Handcuff Man*. I’d finally come out of a really dark period of grief after losing two people I loved. I had my Soup Mate Pro and was whipping up soupy joy night after night. Life was good.
Then life started to go to shit. Handcuff Man disappeared and broke my heart. Things got weird at work. My Soup Mate Pro died. I sent it back and got a replacement but that one just refused to work. It sat motionless on my bench beeping at me. Winter was bleak.
They say that time heals all wounds. I got over Handcuff Man (several times as he kept popping back up when he felt like it). Spring arrived. I started buying soup in alfoil bags.
Last week, I started thinking about how happy I was whipping up fresh soup every day. Surely I could try my luck at a Soup Mate Pro again.
We were meant for each other. I’d tried my luck a few times with Handcuff Man. Didn’t my Soup Mate Pro deserve a third chance too?
In a frenzy google I started reading online comments about my beloved appliance. The remarks were less than complimentary. A waste of money. What a rip off. Died within three months. Burnt out the motor. Never buying one ever again. Soup Mate Pro is a scam.
My heart sank. How could this whitegood that I loved so much, be so hated? I sighed deeply. I knew it was all true. Just like Handcuff Man, no matter how much I loved and wanted it, it was wrong for me. It would let me down again and again. Soup Mate Pro was bad news.
But I needed soup! The weather forecast said we were in for a long cold Winter.
A random comment caught my eye. “I bought a Tefal Soup & Co. It’s the best appliance I own. I love it and use it all the time.”
What is this Soup & Co you talk of, www?
My little googling fingers went wild, hitting review after review. Great value for money. Easy to clean. We make cocktails in it too. A great brand. Made creamy soup for my husband and he loved it.
My heart leapt with joy.
Moments later I was on a retail website punching in my credit card details. They would even deliver it straight to my work for just $6! Why would I bother leaving the house with such exceptional customer service? If only dating was this easy!
I unwrapped that giant box with love. Like I was undressing Handcuff Man for a night of seduction. If he was covered in packing tape and bubble wrap. My shiny new Soup & Co sat before me on the kitchen bench. It was love at first sight.
A quick read of the instructions and I was ready for some action. I’ve done this before remember, I’m a Soup (Mate) Pro. I dragged out my favourite soup recipe. Grabbed fresh vegetables from the fridge. Put everything into the shiny silver cylinder. Pressed Go. Waited. Hopeful but nervous. Like the second time I slept with Handcuff Man. Would it be as good as last time? I held my breath.
25 minutes later and a giant steamy bowl of spicy African Peanut Soup sat before me. Heaven. It tasted just like it had last Winter. Sweet. Creamy. Full of flavour. Practically orgasmic.
My brand new Soup & Co had well and truly come to the party. I was a happy girl. My instincts were right. Sometimes you just need to have faith that things you love will do the right thing by you. It’s going to a long, cold and awesome Winter.
You reckon I should give Handcuff Man a call?
* named Handcuff Man due to his occupation as a policeman, not a fetish. That I know of.
This post was shortlisted in Mamamia’s first-ever Writers Competition in 2015.
Tanya Simpson: Night owl. Hater of early mornings. Pescatarian. Runner of Marathons. Hoarder. Recycler. Optimist.
Never afraid of an adventure, especially if it will make a good story or blog.
She loves espresso martinis and expensive champagne, usually coupled with a box of Cheezels. Now and again, she throws herself into online dating – just to test her internal self worth. When that doesn’t work out (often), she swaps the cyber world for charity stuff.
Check her out at www.crazytans.com