How to get away with rape in 2017.

Headlines across the globe are testimony to it: getting away with rape legally is actually not that hard.

It starts way before anyone goes to court.

It is estimated in Australia that just 20-25 per cent of rapes are reported to police, and only 15 per cent of those proceed to the criminal justice system.

Of the 21,380 victims of sexual assault recorded by Australian police in 2015, around 10 per cent will have resulted in a guilty verdict.

Watch: For anyone who needs a reminder, consent is like a cup of a tea. This video explains it perfectly. Post continues below.

Video by Blue Seat Studios

This means less than two per cent of reported and unreported rapes in Australia result in a conviction.

Less than two per cent.

So how do you get away with rape?


Like this:

  • Make sure the defence knows the victim has had at least one alcoholic drink.
  • Get really good at acting like consent is a confusing concept.
  • Have an inflated sense of entitlement.
  • If it actually gets to court, be sure to be wealthy and privileged.
Not many cases get to court. Image via iStock.
  • Believe that the only sure sign that you should not put your penis in someone is a fully clothed woman drinking a peppermint tea saying "No - do not rape me please," with one hand doing the stop signal and the other holding up a STOP sign.
  • Sit back and allow rape culture to do its thing.
  • Believe that women are property. Preferably your property.
  • Attend a prestigious educational establishment.
  • Say things like, 'I know she slept with my friend Eddie'.

Listen: Mia Freedman, Monique Bowley and Jessie Stephens call out the grope on Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues below. 

  • Make sure to take pictures of your date - sorry, victim - looking like she's having a great time before you rape her.
  • Watch so much porn that the idea of consent has been scrubbed from your brain.
  • Make sure what you did was so heinous the victim will be forever humiliated and never want to talk about it. Especially not in public.
  • Have a promising career, be a success in your chosen field so witnesses can say things like "He has his whole life ahead of him" and "He's just not that kind of man."
  • Just do it.