My decision to elope shouldn’t have been a huge surprise to those around me. I like to approach life with my own set of rules.
So when the conversation of marriage came up for my partner and I, I approached it the same way like I do for many things by asking: What works for us?
After we got engaged and started to plan a wedding very soon after, it wasn’t feeling fun. I felt stressed by all of the options, we fought about how much it should cost and it made me anxious to think about combining the vows ceremony with a big boozy party. I was worried about pleasing everybody and relying on people that hadn’t always proved to be reliable. I didn’t like the idea of being watched as I promised my life to Ben. It all felt too much. So once we made the decision to elope, as nervous as I was, I also felt excited and… free.
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People ask because it can be a very divisive problem with families so they are genuinely interested whether it was a problem or not. My parents and my in laws love my husband and I - they’ve been there in the tough times so they dearly want to share the joy in the good times (given my father was diagnosed with cancer 7 weeks before my wedding, a bit of joy made a huge difference for him too). All four would have been unbelievably hurt had we eloped rather than included them in the day. I’ve found that while you marry your partner, you are also choosing to make their family yours too - appreciate this wouldn’t be the case for everyone, I’m blessed with a close and loving family. I have friends that eloped and one of the mothers was so devastated she didn’t speak to them for several months after. Stacey - your families obviously didn’t mind and had instilled that philosophy but really, you shouldn’t find it insulting when people ask you about it.
I would be looking forward to the hilarity that ensues when she looks back on her wedding ensemble 20 years in the future!