'I've spent over 30 years not knowing how to dress. Here's what I learnt when I asked for help.'

Ever since I was a child, I've had no idea how to dress. 

Perhaps it was a side effect of being a twin (with younger twin brothers) and Mum therefore having precisely no time to think about what anyone was wearing. If we had shoes on, it was a bonus. 

I discovered recently that Mum let Nan cut our bowl cuts. Ffs. Image: Supplied. My earliest feelings about clothes were that they were itchy and mostly inconvenient for whatever activity I was doing.  

I also remember dreading mufti days in primary school because I knew I wouldn't be wearing what everyone else was, solely because I didn't know how to... find that information. Perhaps you were supposed to be looking at your peers on the weekends or taking note of what people on the television were wearing but I DON'T KNOW because I never did it? And I'd always turn up wearing weird corduroy pants that weren't in and had never been in. 

Where did Mum even buy them.

While I've always been in the fortunate position of being able to walk into most shops and find something that technically fits, that didn't make my fashion decisions any easier. Being absurdly short meant that the default items like jeans and dresses were the trickiest to find. 

I also had no taste, so. 

At least my sister was a fashion pioneer (she wasn't). Image: Supplied. As I got older, puberty happened and boobs made dressing even more difficult. I didn't want anyone to look at them but covering them up was disarmingly unflattering. I was also handed the awkwardness of boobs and hips with a completely flat bum, so precisely every item of clothing I put on was confused.

Fast forward to entering my early 30s and I've made absolutely no progress in the clothes department. I mean, I guess I've liked some things I've worn over the years but most days I'm fairly certain I'm dressing... incorrectly. According to any and all standards.

In 2020 and 2021, I didn't actually mind being in lockdown, solely because I didn't have to think about what to wear. 

But then we returned to normal life, and not only do I have to wear clothes to the office, but there are fancy events like weddings and birthdays and I simply can no longer deal with looking like a foot.

I've written elsewhere about the way I spiralled when trying to find a wedding dress for my own wedding, but even trying to find an outfit for a Tuesday is hard.

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A post shared by Clare Stephens (@clare.stephenss)

So I asked for help. 

And honestly people's enthusiasm to give me advice could potentially be interpreted as rude but whatever. 

Here's what I learnt:

1. Know your uniform

Fashion expert Tamara Davis told me the key to dressing well is having a go-to idea of what suits you, or "an equation that works to fall back on". 

Knowing that I'm lazy, she pointed out that dresses are a bonus because they're one decision. For my shape, she suggested "styles that hit above the knee and cinch in to frame your shape". 

At first I was skeptical, because although Tamara is also a short human, she's been known to pull off this:

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A post shared by TAMARA (@_tamaradavis_)

And on a related note, this:

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A post shared by TAMARA (@_tamaradavis_)

While I'm turning up to the office like this: 

That's... inappropriate. For the... workplace. 

But part of my 'uniform', Tamara said, should probably be jeans. "As a short gal I always find cropped jeans or pants more flattering, it's an optical illusion thing. Jeans that pool at the ankle can make it look like your pants don't fit you," she said. 

So look. I went on an adventure.

I decided I shan't be doing skinny jeans anymore because a) a stylish person at work said they aren't cool anymore, and b) they make my legs itchy. 

So I took Tamara's advice, and went shopping. First, the fails:

HAHAHAHA. The shape. The uneven rips (which let cold air in??) The absurdly high waist. Image: Supplied. 

Not it. Image: Supplied. 

When they're not too baggy in the leg but then don't do up at the waist. Image: Supplied. Then finally, I found them. The perfect non-skinny, comfortable jeans, that I could roll up for a cropped look. And they were goddamn $99. 

Simple. Lazy. Comfy. Image: Supplied. 

The brand is Thrills and while I can't find my exact pair online, they have a bunch of other good jeans here. 

Tamara said my uniform could probably involve:

"A simple grey marle or white knit (try Uniqlo!) to wear back with your little skirts; a pair of cropped fitted blue or grey jeans, a few basic tees and blouses you can throw on with them, a shell-like jacket or 'shacket' (wears like an overshirt, doesn't try too hard but still adds polish), and some short dresses you can dress up or down."

And I've got the jeans now, so I'm pretty much a fashion guru. 

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2. Shapes and fabric

When I yelled into my Instagram that I couldn't dress, I was contacted by a lovely stylist named Anika Walker, who made me a personalised 13 minute video with tips and also specific items for me to buy?? HOW are women so absurdly helpful?

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A post shared by Your Look Stylist Anika Walker (@anikawalkerstylist)

Yes, I've ordered several of them. Yes, I've had these shapes in mind when I've been shopping since. 

Here's the Zara dress she recommended for me:

Um, hello. Image: Supplied. 

 

WHAT. Image: Supplied. 

 Walker's biggest tips for me were: 

- An open neckline minimises the bust

- Opening up that area also creates height, and elongates the chest and neck, which is helpful when you're barely five feet tall

- Think of a dress as a building block, that you can add accessories to

- Go for a small-width, fine belt to create shape

- Avoid too much fabric

- Go for dresses that cut above the knee, unless it has a split to show a flash of leg

- Avoid boyfriend blazers, and go for more tailored styles with a button to cinch in the waist

3. Take risks

This is the bit I struggle with the most. 

I'm risk-averse generally, so when it comes to clothes, if I see something slightly bold and out there, I avoid it at all costs. But some of the best things I've worn have been items I didn't want to try on in the first place. Or items I had no role in choosing.

In response to my call-out for fashion help, Lou from Maybe Mazie sent me a dress she designed specifically for me. With my goddamn personality in mind. 

My. God. Image: Supplied. 

At first, I thought mustard and spots would be too much on me, and the length was slightly longer than what I typically go for.

But then I tried it on. 

It's... perfect. Image: Supplied. 

Yes maybe I left the tag on for the video which was silly of me. 

Then, another Lady Start Up, Victoria from Irving and Powell, gifted me this:

Yuss. Image: Supplied. 

Who would've thought!! Image: Supplied. 

It's a lesson that you don't necessarily know what suits you. And other people (for example, experts and stylists and designers) have a much better idea.

When you trust them, the results can be pretty impressive. 

While my journey is definitely ongoing, I've learnt to ask questions, to trust people's advice, to simplify my wardrobe (a uniform is the dream), and to take risks. 

But the biggest lesson is to never, ever allow Mum to dress me. Because she's a troll. 

You can continue to follow my fashion journey over at my Instagram, where I've got a saved stories thingy with all the clothes I've tried so far. 

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Image: Supplieed.