By NeTeah Hatchett
There seem to be several perks when it comes to dating a woman with kid(s). One of the major perks being that you have the opportunity to see firsthand the type of mother she would be to your future children. The other perk being that you can almost guarantee that a house with kids in it, is guaranteed to have snacks on demand at all times. And depending on how you look at it, there may also be some “downsides” when it comes to dating a mum, let alone a single mum.
For most men, dating a single mum can be quite a difficult task. And I’ll be the first to say… I get it. Now I do want to clarify that there is a major difference between being a single mum and being a mum that just happens to be single. All too often, I see women using this term interchangeably and they are most definitely not one in the same, by any means. In my opinion, being a single mother has absolutely nothing to do with one’s marital status. Heck, there are married women out there that consider themselves single mums within their own household because they assume the majority of the responsibility for their kids.
The difference between a single mum and a mum who happens to be single, is that a single mum has the sole responsibilities of raising a child on their own, whereas a mum who happens to be single, could be a mum who is single but in an equal and successful co-parenting situation; so now that we have that clarification out of the way, let’s proceed.
Let me just say that as a woman, dating without kids was a headache, as I can imagine is the same for men, but dating with a child has proven to be even more difficult and I can provide several reasons why. And let me just be clear, that these are based on MY experiences and obviously not reflective of EVERY single mum out there.
1. The Sitter Struggle
Being a single parent sometimes means having to schedule a night out several weeks in advance and hope that your sitter remembers that they agreed to watch your child when the time actually comes. Whether it be a night out with her friends, or a surprise trip planned by her significant other, one of the major downsides of dating a single mum is that it definitely limits the opportunities for spontaneity in many aspects of life. So unless she has babysitter options at her beck and call, one thing a guy has to realise, is that she may not always be able to drop everything and meet up for a drink after work or grab a bite to eat at the spur of the moment.
2. The Fill-In
Now while this may vary by situation and female, there are many single mums who date to not only find a potential long-term mate for themselves, but also to find a suitable male role model/stepfather to their child(ren). There’s a lot of pressure when it comes to dating a single mum in this aspect, because if you aren’t up for the role of stepping in and picking up where someone left off, it can cause quite a headache down the road.
For a man to step in and assume the role of an absent parent takes a lot, and not men all equipped or ready for that type of responsibility, and that is perfectly fine. Granted it may not always be mandatory that you fill the role of the absentee father, but with some single mums, it can actually be a requirement or expectation if you plan to be with her long-term.