This morning's shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Conneticut., has reportedly left 27 people, including 18 children, dead. It's a horrific reminder that no matter how hard we try to keep our kids out of danger, we can't protect them all the time. Although it can be easy to want to avoid talking about a tragedy with your kids, it's important if they're old enough to have heard about it. Here's how to talk about a school shooting with your kids, age by age.
Preschool
Keep it simple. Even if you think young children are blissfully unaware the news, if the tragedy is local or being discussed among parents, chances are they'll know that something's going on, says David Schonfeld, M.D., director of the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement. He suggests talking to your young children in simple and concrete terms. You can say, "someone brought a gun to school and hurt some people badly." Be honest and direct, but skip the details, which can be traumatising.
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Reassure, but don't lie. It's common for a preschooler to express very direct fears like, "I'm worried someone will come shoot us." If they do, Dr. Schonfeld says parents should reassure their kids without making any false promises or dismissing their concerns. "Tell them it's very unlikely something like that will occur and you and other adults are taking steps to keep them safe."
Limit media exposure. You don't need to hide the newspaper during a tragedy, but you shouldn't have the news running 24/7, either. Dr. Schonfeld says studies have shown that repeated exposure to graphic details may make it harder for a child to cope with a tragedy. Try to watch the news when young kids are not in the room, and if they do hear a scary-sounding news snippet, address it simply and let them know you are doing everything you can to keep them safe.