I took three glorious weeks off between Christmas and New Year. During that time I followed Radiohead’s advice; no alarms and no surprises please. Sadly the Karma Police came knocking on Monday and everything changed in a heartbeat.
I’m back at work. What the hell am I doing here? Am I the only Paranoid Android out there? Are you experiencing similar signs that we’re not in Kansas anymore?
1. Password Amnesia
This is a rare condition contracted annually by 95% of employees. Despite 11 months of entering a secret code into their computer at 9am every Monday to Friday, the Password Amnesia sufferer shows no signs of immediate recall. Sweat beads and scalp scratching are common side effects, as the patient scrambles to form coherent combinations of past phone numbers, PINs and old addresses.
2. Foot Fetish
Holiday-makers-turned-workers commonly contract a foot fetish whereby their sand-loving, thong-thrusting hoofs must be directly in contact with terra firma 24/7. Squeezing one’s sole into office-appropriate footwear may sound like a simple task but it is, in fact, soul destroying.