WARNING: This post may be distressing for someone who has been a victim of sexual abuse or violence.
By KATE SMITH
Every year as Anzac Day draws near sadness engulfs me, an overwhelming sadness triggered by talking to friends who march for their forefathers, cheer their family on as they march, or simply commemorate and pay tribute to their fallen loved ones.
I can’t do that. I don’t speak about my grandfather who fought for England in the war, and who proudly wore badges of bravery.
No.
The fact is I despise him and I despise the fact he wore bravery badges. My stomach churns to think he was honoured in so many facets of life, while behind closed doors he sexually abused me, tortured me and took away my honour for so many years.
It has been a life time of pain, dotted with anger, violence, drug use, anorexia, abusive relationships and the poorest of self esteems. My parents divorced because of me, they couldn’t explain my dysfunction, and blamed each other. And that’s a guilt I’ll carry forever.
No one suspected him, no one even looked his direction. But why would they? He could do no wrong, and the family had a culture of placing him on a pedestal without questioning him.
Today I am better than good. I’m thriving – not just surviving. I will always refuse to let my grandfather tarnish the honour of those that truly deserve it, but seeing those medals will always cause me pain, and provide a reminder that honour is not drawn from the medal but from the person beneath. The ugly part for me is that medals and honour can be a mask for evil of the very worse kind.
Top Comments
Thank you Kate, she sharing this awful story. I have three children (two daughters and a son) and the thought of this happening to any of them chills me.
The importance of not putting people on a pedestal is obviously paramount, but at the same time, we need to be able to trust people in order to function in the world. I'm not sure what the happy medium is, other than to talk to your children about the importance of coming to you - or another trusted adult - if anything ever happens to make them uncomfortable, and especially if they've been asked not to tell. It's a very hard conversation to have with an innocent child though.
I have a 3yo daughter and this chills me to the bone. I am so sorry this happened to you. Kids are so innocent, precious and completely trusting. Any adult who takes that away from them is plain evil - when it is a trusted relative or friend (as it usually is) it takes away something else too. The sad part is that an abused child doesn't have the capacity to see this until they are adults themselves - after years of blaming themselves, keeping the abuse secret and developing destructive coping mechanisms. It is so very unfair.