Bianca Dye asks: Do we really WANT to have it all?

Bianca Dye.


Can we really have it all? Hold on. Do we even really want to have it all?

More importantly, can we stop comparing ourselves to other women who we just assume “have it all”? As we all know, other women’s realities may be nothing like what we assume. Or of course, one woman’s “having it all” may be another woman’s migraine on a plate.

Why are we still putting this ridiculous pressure on ourselves – on each other – to have it “all”, when “all” is in the eye of the beholder? Isn’t it? I’m curious. Where did we get the idea that we all need to be superwomen? Did I miss the memo that instructs us to one-up each other?

Okay, okay. I sound ignorant. Of course you only have to look at magazines, over-the-top reality TV shows, the 45,000 blogs that pop up yearly telling us all the things women are “doing” (and some of it’s fabulous by the way – don’t get me wrong).

But let’s be honest here, how does it make you feel when you hear: “how am I ? Well, I did a step class in the spare room while ordering a dress online AND talking to my daughter’s teacher on Facetime before I picked up my kids from sport AND wrote a thesis for my part time uni course AND cooked my hubby dinner AND put a face mask on AND updated my Facebook status three times AND scoured Instagram for a dress to wear to the United Nations dinner I’m attending tomorrow night after I do yoga…

Then I meditated before bed. How about you?”

I, for one, am tired of it. Tired of comparing myself to others and what they’ve achieved.  I don’t see the men in my life doing this. For some, it’s getting out of control.

And you know how we know all this superfluous information about everyone else’s lives? Good old social media. How else would we know what everyone is “doing” all the time?

I’m just as bad as everyone else for putting up a “highlight reel”, trust me. I can tell you firsthand my life is nowhere near as ‘together’  as it looks: all shiny and sexy and busy like I’m soooo important under the 4th filter of a carefully poised Instagram post.

We’re all capable of carefully crafting a life we want our “followers” to see and hiding the shit stuff.


But I say – no, I scream, “more of the shit stuff please!”

Myself included.

Because then, maybe, we’ll finally give each other a break.

So: can we all just give ourselves permission to stop worrying about everyone else & have a little nap?

I’m gonna put myself on the line here and admit something to you all: I don’t like the person I have become under the guise of being a go-getter – and I blame social media.

More of the shit stuff please!

Sure, I have always packed a heap of stuff into my day. I’ve always been the one that friends say “but you’re so busy I never get to see you anymore”- gulp. And I’ve always had a zillion balls in the air. It’s what I do, I love it, I thrive on it, I “get off” on being busy.

I’m aware how unhealthy it all is – but probably no less unhealthy than you secretly Facebook-stalking your husband’s ex-wife or letting your World Vision sponsorship lapse. We are all guilty of something.

I think we need to lighten up on each other – and mainly on ourselves!

I’d love to start a challenge on social media where we have to put up one good and one bad thing that has happened every day, so others can see that we all go through the same crap. I understand the argument against this: “Why would people wanna see the bad stuff? We have enough of it in our own lives.”

But that’s exactly my point. So many feel their lives are lacking something because they are comparing very normal lives with those who are not playing fair, who only show the perfect stuff.

Its unhealthy; It’s like the elephant in the lounge room. We all know this is going on but no one is saying anything! We are our own worst enemy.

We don’t need to have it all. We just need to stop thinking everyone else does and thus, that we should too.

Let’s do it our own way – whatever that may be.

Bianca Dye is an author and breakfast radio DJ at i98fm. Follower her on twitter @biancadye or on instagram here.