real life

13 non-gifts for Valentine’s Day haters.

Is there any other day of the year that is more emotionally charged than Valentine’s Day?

If you’re single, you hate the world. If you’re in a relationship, you hate your partner.

Because even after we’ve agreed that Valentine’s Day is a commericalised ripoff, after eight hours of witnessing colleagues receiving flowers and a Facebook feed full of friends being showered in chocolates and Tiffany’s jewellery, you’re on the edge of a total emotional breakdown.

And naturally, the first person you take it out on is your loved one.

(No? Just me then?)

If that sounds like you, or like someone you’re in a relationship with, what you need is a non-gift. An insurance policy if you will. A token gesture that says ‘I love/like you’ without the ickiness of red lingerie or giant teddy bears, or heart shaped [insert descriptor]. And for any guys reading this, last-minute half-dead servo flowers are far, far worse than no flowers.

Heart mittens.

Buy here.

Undies for two.


Buy them here.

Cold sore disguise.

Just because you have a cold sore, it doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate… pucker up.

Buy here.

Double hearts branding iron.

Because who doesn’t want a heart icon on their steak?


If all else fails….

Raid the pantry for inspiration.

Whip up some brownies (or buy them and pass them off as your own):

Recipe here.

Write a love message on a blackboard mug, maybe go for something deeper than ‘Hello’…

Dig out the Clag glue and get creative:

Hog the hole punch at work and make this book.

If you suspect your significant other is taking this V-Day business seriously…

The Iconic is offering 3-hour delivery (Syd only).

For a guy: A heart rate monitor


For a gal: Karen Walker Heart Ring.

There is also a rabbit ring (wink, wink) and cat studs available for the cat lover in your life.

Buy here.

How are you feeling about Valentine’s Day this year? Celebrating or avoiding life?

    00:00 / ???