couples

'I've been married 2 months. And feel no passion for my husband.'

My husband and I hit it off from the first moment we met (at work). We were finishing each others sentences in a weird mind-reading way after knowing each other only one day.

He was married but separated when we met and while that hasn’t caused a single problem (apart from the debt he brought to the relationship – I had none) and his ex-wife can now be the single career orientated person she really wants to be.

As for our working life, well that’s just fun and games. We work in the same industry and same place but he is the boss. Given our working hours and the job we do, I barely see him at work let alone have a conversation. I actually prefer that so no one can say there is favouritism or preferential treatment occurring.

When not at work I see him for 30 minutes in the morning and a couple of hours in the evening but we never do anything as we are both exhausted! He does make me cups of tea for which I love him dearly.

As for the passion/lust/romance… Well there is none. At least from my side.

I feel nothing. I feel flat. Pancakes probably have a better love life. I do love my husband. Well I think I do. I’d never been in love before so I have nothing to compare it to. We have been together nearly two years and married for two months.

Prior to meeting my DH my longest relationship was 10 months. I had lots of, shall we say, short term relationships beforehand. I know that if anything happened to my DH I would be devastated. I do miss him if he is away (but not in a sooky weepy way) so I know there is an emotional attachment there.

But why why why do I feel no passion? Sex feels like too much hard work. I’m quite happy to starfish it. He wants more I know but is happy with what he gets and understands I’m tired/stressed/lacking hormones.

I am not turned off by him. He is not ugly. He doesn’t have bad teeth or BO but he has let himself go a bit and has put on weight, whereas I’m doing my hardest to lose it.

He would do anything I ask but still I feel nothing. I try hard to figure out what is wrong. I changed pill, came off the pill, had blood tests and took antidepressants  and still nothing.

Work doesn’t help. It’s stressful and tiring. Shift work means you have few or zero friends who are not shift workers (they don’t understand when you work weekends and evenings) so our social life is crap. We moved to a country town to be near my mother after my father died (I moved back from London before I met my DH so I miss it dreadfully too).

I do know that I want to be with him. I am happy but sad at the same time.

And he has no idea.

The author of this post is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous.

Have you got any advice or support you can offer Anonymous?

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