sex

GROUP THERAPY: "I hate sex. I hate my vagina. I am broken."

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How do you talk about sex if you never want to have sex again?

By ANONYMOUS

I’m a 30-something-year-old women, in a loving marriage raising a son and navigating my way through step-mothering two teenagers. I’m lucky enough to work full time in my chosen career and I have many varied, amazing girlfriends.

I love our girly catch ups. The round table discussions, so Sex and the City. Husbands who are driving us batty, children who make us laugh and drive us insane all at the same time.

But it wouldn’t be Sex and the City without the ‘sex’, would it?

When my girlfriends talk about the crazy weekend away or the latest ‘position’ that they tried out, a little part of me cries inside.

I have a condition called Dyspareunia. Sex has always been violently painful for me. At times to the point where I end up in the bathroom dry wretching from the pain. I suffer in silence.

You see, it tends to put a downer on those girly conversations around the table. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my husband, I orgasm. I’ve been to doctors, many doctors over the last fifteen years.

The cause of Dyspareunia can be physical or psychological. In my case I’ve had the physical aspect ruled out. I’ve been poked and prodded for years, in GP rooms and under unaesthetic. I’ve even had surgery to help.

It didn’t.

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A small, beady eyed male psychologist once thrust his little finger in my face and asked me if I’ve thought about trying a ‘little vibrator’.  Most doctors cry ‘more lube, more lube’ and I’m considering sponsorship from KY at this stage.

No sex.
I hate sex. I hate my vagina.

I’ve been seeing a psychologist.

What the description of the condition doesn’t tell you is that the physical pain is intense, the emotional pain is paralysing.

I hate sex. I hate my vagina. I am broken.

This condition has stripped me of my confidence, my ability to feel ‘sexy’, to feel like a ‘woman’, to feel like part of the ‘womanhood’ and to feel ‘desired’. This condition leaves my skin ‘crawling’ at the sweetest touch. It causes my body to tense from a look of desire from my husband. My husband is patient, and kind and understanding, and patient, did I mention how patient he is?  He loves me, and desires me. What he doesn’t know is that I never, ever want to have sex with him again.

I wanted to highlight this condition. Not all women are experiencing the ’50 Shades of Grey’ pain, some of us are really hurting.

What advice can you give this Mamamia reader?

The author of this post is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous.

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