This post deals with miscarriage and might be triggering for some readers.
As a girl I learnt about tsunamis - giant, crashing waves towering over a beach and then swallowing all in their way. I'd watch waves rolling in and wonder if I'd have enough breath to swim down and hold on to the sand whilst the wave passed over me.
In truth, tsunamis don’t happen in one enormous crash… they slowly creep towards the edge of the water and then push with slow, insidious horror.
As does miscarriage.
Watch: Tina Arena talks to Mia Freedman about her miscarriage. Post continues after video.
While I applaud those who are finally speaking about what happens to women who miscarry (one in four pregnancies), social media posts mostly depict a giant crashing wave. Lost angels. Fallen spirits. Soaring hearts and shocked feelings. Tears and grief. All true. But for those who haven’t experienced miscarriage, and even those who have, it's also a complex tale of stealthy torture that's hard to put into words.
I barely recognise myself in a mirror. My drawn eyes and withered features are hiding in all the extra kilos gained from recurring pregnancies. I’ve had five miscarriages, the first before my two-year-old son's birth, and in the last two years, another four, resulting in the loss of six babies. Not ‘products’…‘foetus’…'embryos' … six babies.
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