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The five most utterly ridiculous things that happened on Gossip Girl.

Gossip Girl was the show no one should have needed because The O.C was already a thing. And a very popular thing.

But somehow, the story of a group of New York high school students, most notably a blonde (Serena, played by Blake Lively) and a brunette (Blair, played by Leighton Meester), developed a cult following.

In the golden year, 2oo8, it was the show all the ‘kids’ were watching. Everyone needed to be a Serena or a Blair (an identity determined solely by your hair colour), and desperately wanted to find an arrogant, bad boy like Chuck (…I think most people forgot he was an attempted rapist), or an ‘outsider’, undercover gossip like Dan, or a very boring, one dimensional guy like Nate.

We could only dream.

While the series was addictive, with characters that allowed for unparalleled escapism, it inarguably had many, many faults.

Did it go for too long? A lil bit. Probably should have ended in about season three. Four at the latest.

Were the uniforms entirely unrealistic? Definitely. They were highly inappropriate and likely put real life teachers who had to enforce uniform rules in an awkward position for years to come.

Blazer, cardigan, totes up to you babes. Tie? Just choose whatever. Navy blue or tartan. No biggie. Image via The CW.
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But most importantly, was it... ridiculous? Oh yes. Very much so.

I think it's very relevant and also timely to revisit the most utterly absurd things that happened on Gossip Girl. 

Ahem.

When Chuck owned a club. Before he was legally allowed to drink.

In season one, Chuck Bass buys a burlesque club, Victrola. He's a high school student. Who the hell allows a teenager to buy a club they technically can't even enter?

But, you know, it's season one. Maybe the writers were just warming up. A little absurdity in a plot line is forgivable.

But then IT HAPPENS AGAIN.

In season three, Chuck has only just finished high school when he inherits money from his father and uses it to buy a club. The goddamn legal drinking age in the US is 21 and this guy STILL cannot legally enter the venue he owns. Pls.

Speaking of Chuck inheriting money from his dad...

When Bart Bass died, but not really.

At the end of season two, Bart Bass dies in a car accident. It's quite central to the plot line because he leaves Lily an important voicemail moments before the crash, and leaves his business, Bass Industries, to Chuck.

"My dad is dead. But it's OK because he's not really." Image via The CW.
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Do characters in TV shows and movies disproportionately die in car accidents? Yes. But by Gossip Girl standards, Bart's death was semi-believable.

That's until he's not actually dead. 

In season FIVE (legit two full seasons have passed), Blair walks into a room and sees Bart. Chuck investigates and it turns out that, yes, his father is still very much alive.

Bart explains that he had to fake his own death to stop something to do with oil trading bla bla bla Sudan bla bla bla killing his entire family bla bla bla. You see, when he went to hospital after the crash, he simply paid the doctor to pronounce him dead.

There are SO many problems with this plot line, including: what are the chances that you're planning on faking your own death, and then you're in a completely random and horrible car crash? Can you really bribe doctors to pronounce you dead? Can you live for a number of years, apparently being dead? How about money? You gave it all to Chuck? You have no where to live?

But never mind all that - a very competent (yet presumably not even 21-year-old) Chuck sorts everything out for his father with the people who were apparently going to kill his family.

Listen to the latest episode of The Binge, Mamamia's TV podcast. Post continues after audio. 

When Rufus and Lily had a long lost child, but then no one really cared.

The extent to which Rufus and Lily did not need a secret love child cannot be overstated. Rufus already has two children, Dan and Jenny, whose lives are sufficiently dramatic. Lily also has two children, Serena and Eric (families on shows like this can only have two children maximum, and they have to be one of each sex), and their lives are also entirely unbelievable. THERE WAS NO NEED FOR ANOTHER CHILD.

But, alas, Dan's random friend Vanessa needed a love interest. And apparently the only way to introduce one was for Rufus and Lily to connect with their long lost son.

Of course, this wasn't all dramatic enough, so Bart had to first learn of the child, and through a complex set of channels, the news gets to Rufus, who is angry Lily never told him.

Rufus and Lily are first told he's dead, which he isn't, then Vanessa COINCIDENTALLY befriends a guy named Scott who happens to be the long lost child. He hides his true identity until it's eventually uncovered, and he attends Rufus and Lily's wedding. It seems like he's going to be part of the family and maintain relationships with his parents and siblings, until...

He's never seen again. Cool.

When Serena was drugged by manipulative girls TWICE.

Surely it's not common to be drugged by someone who pretends to be your friend, but apparently Serena was super unlucky.

In the Gossip Girl world, Serena was just so beautiful and perfect that unhinged women kept trying to sabotage her life. Because let's be honest, bitches be cray!

"Women can't get along. We drug each other instead." Image via The CW.

In season one, Georgina Sparks arrives with the sole intention of... being annoying? She reunites with Serena under the guise of being her friend, but really she drugs her so she misses her SATs.

CLASSIC!

Georgina exists only to embarrass Serena and/or hook up with Dan. It's very odd.

Then in season four, Juliet arrives to seek revenge on Serena (for something she didn't do, it's all very confusing), and also drugs her. Serena wakes up in a hotel room with no idea of how she got there, and then gets forced to go to rehab for a drug problem she doesn't have.

Lovely.

When Dan was Gossip Girl.

Hahahaha.

Hahahahahahahaha.

Haha, no.

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