The 71st annual Golden Globes were on today in LA, and they were eventful. The red carpet was flooded with sewage and water. Emma Watson proved she can wear whatever the hell she wants, including Secret Leggings. Kerry Washington, Olivia Wilde and Drew Barrymore made pregnancy look stunning. The “Skoll every time Amy Adams looks like she might have a nip slip” drinking game from American Hustle continued throughout the entire ceremony.
Oh, and famous people won awards for making movies and television shows… but we won’t tell you who just yet.
If you don’t have time to watch the whole ceremony, just hold onto these very important lessons…
1. Lena Dunham is possibly trolling us.
We’ve got a theory about our beloved Ms Dunham: that she deliberately chooses unflattering clothes to get us talking. Because let’s be honest, you don’t leave the house in a canary-yellow strapless dress a few sizes too small for you without an ulterior motive.
The fourth season of her show Girls premieres tonight, so any publicity is good publicity… And that includes the “can’t breathe because my breasts are crushed by this bodice” kind. Girl needs to get to the underwear department of David Jones for a proper bra-fitting by an inappropriately grabby grandmother-aged woman.
2. Forty years of age is this year’s hottest red carpet accessory.
Yeah yeah, shiny young things like Taylor Swift, Hayden Panettiere and Alison Williams all looked predictably gorgeous, but most of the stars truly in the Jaw Dropping category are over 40. And don’t we love that. The honour roll of over-40 babes:
The hottest 68-year-old on the planet, Helen Mirren.
Robin Wright (whose man Ben Foster just put a ring on it) is 47 years of hot.
Cate Blanchett did 44 years proud in a floor-length spiderweb inspired dress, and Laura Dern looked fierce at 46.
Forty three is magic for Julie Bowen, Uma Thurman, and Tina Fey.
Emma Thompson, who hit the stage with a martini in one hand and her discarded Louboutin heels in the other, makes 54 look spectacular.
3. A full-skirted gown can double up as a tent
During her interview with Closest Thing To A Real Life Ken, Ryan Seacrest, Sofia Vergara joked about her dress: “I feel like I’m wearing a tent! There’s a little Colombian living under here!”
But really, the skirt is so damn voluminous we can neither confirm nor deny the residency of a small Colombian person in there. She could have her whole styling team hanging out down there, for all we know. Look, we’re impressed.