by “MONTY” DIMOND
When it comes to the boudoir I’ll admit, I’m pretty ‘straighty one eighty’. I’d like to say that I transform into some wild sex contortionist in the sack, but that would be a lie. I just assumed all my friends were kind of tame in this department too. The other night at a dinner with the girls, I found out how wrong I was when one of my friends detailed her very explicit bedroom activities. Now I used to read ‘Dolly Doctor’, and often listened to Dr Feelgood on the radio when I was 12, so I’m not completely naive. However, I had no clue half the gadgets and gizmos she experiments with even existed. I sat there mesmerised as she talked about her sex life. Her stories were intense, intoxicatingly entertaining, and borderline dangerous. She hadn’t always been this advanced when it comes to her lovemaking but over the years her boundaries had slowly begun to shift, one trip to Sexpo at a time.
These raunchy tales made me think about how in high school sexual experimentation was neatly categorised into ‘bases’. At my school, first base was a kiss, second base was a boob touch, third base was a little action ‘below the belt’, and then there was the pretty self-explanatory ‘home run’.
At school I spent quite some time sitting on the bench desperately wanting to make it to first base. It’s fair to say I was a kinda ‘frigid’ as the thought of kissing a boy made me feel sick with nerves. Fast-forward to grown up land and it seems we are playing a whole different ball game now. To help simplify things, my friends and I decided to develop a new set of bases for adults. This way we can all know exactly where we are positioned on the sexual pitch. So here they are for you to enjoy, compare, and aspire to… the Adult Sex Bases:
1. First Base
First base kicks off where the high school home run ended. It’s the entry to the game, a straight forward ‘bow chicka wow wow’ between two people. Most people sit happily (or bored out of their minds) here forever. It’s nice and comfy, nothing too wild or adventurous, but good times can still be had. This is the base where you would most likely find the cast of 7th Heaven hanging out.