The female wanker.

I’m calling it.


Yep, that’s right, I’m calling it. It is now perfectly acceptable to refer to a woman as a wanker. But, let me make this clear, I do not mean wanker in the definition of ‘a person who masturbates’, but rather in its more colloquial use as a general insult.

You see, while I am a firm believer in ‘the sisterhood’ and ladies sticking together, there is always going to be a fellow female who may rub us the wrong way. For example:

– The girl who wears white to your wedding

– The colleague who happily takes credit for your work right in front of you

– The woman in the mothers group who brags about her baby sleeping through 12 hours a night while all the other mums are confessing  their struggles.

As we strive for equality between the sexes it is imperative to recognise that being a wanker is not only possible for men to achieve, but women as well.

You see, I would never call a woman a bitch or a slut (unless she stole my husband … slut). I find the words harsh, venomous and far too gender-based. Whereas the term ‘wanker’ seems to roll off the tongue …

Missy Burrell

In recent weeks I have noticed my internal musings on the existence of female wankers (mostly inspired by Facebook) being verbalised by other women in my circle of friends.

In one instance, I noticed a Facebook comment between two women, one apologising to the other for ‘being a wanka lately’. “Wow!” I thought, “It’s not just me.” Some women are open to not just calling others a wanker, but adorning themselves with the less-than-desirable title.

On another occasion I was listening to a mate talk about a fall-out with her bestie, declaring her ex-BFF was ‘acting like a wanker’.

I like to think my finger is on the pulse when it comes to shifts in societal trends and that is why I thought it prudent to share my recent findings with you all.

So next time a woman asks how your diet is going (with a smirk firmly planted on her face) or tries to tell you her ‘little Johnny’ seems far more developed than others his age (read: your child), you have my permission to let fly, and mutter ‘what a wanker’ under your breath.

Do you know a female ‘wanker’? Have you had an experience with a ‘wanker’ you’d like to share?

Missy is a Gold Coast-based writer, mum and media aficionado. Find her on Facebook here.