I remember her as the wild kid in class, with hair that looked like seagulls had flocked in it, wearing op-shop taffeta ball gowns with desert boots to school. She was funny, impressive and a little intimidating, and I wanted to be her friend.
She tells me she remembers me as this wide-eyed, confident girly-girl, wearing green cords with pink sneakers, hand in the air at every class, and locked into a small knot of similar swots and smart-arses. She liked me a lot, but didn’t know how to get things started.
A wise and insightful teacher put us together, literally, with a most direct instruction: “You two are going to like each other a lot – you should be friends.” He got a lot of things right, that teacher. This has to be his most brilliant accomplishment.
My friend has been in my life since we were 14, and this relationship has been and remains one of the cornerstones of my life.
I’ve had cause to reflect on friendships and meaningful connections recently, and my conclusion is this: that, like great marriages, great relationships are not “work”, and you don’t need to “work” at them, as people will admonish you, as you do a difficult job. Instead, like the most beautiful trees, they need tending and support in the early years, emergency interventions in times of stress or drought, and then they need simply the care that love naturally brings to grow in glory, season in and out.
I know several people who have maintained close and long-standing friendships through their lives, through challenge and change, and I know those who have not: those have, either through what felt like necessity or sometimes even survival, either cut down such a relationship or simply walked away from it and started another, often in another country or circumstance, often more than once. A part of me admires their single-mindedness: I am tribal in a way that is possibly not always helpful.
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My best friend and I met when we were 6. We were inseparable when we were at the same school, but only 3 years later I changed schools. We are now late 20's and she has three children. I have none (yet!). We have had completely different lives; I've travelled, finished two degrees and worked and lived in Melbourne. She has stayed close to family and chosen to start her own family quite young. But despite our differences, we are such close friends, she is the one person I can count on to understand me. The worst part of our friendship is the physical distance between us, but it doesn't stop us from staying in touch!
I was only thinking today how lucky i am to have the long standing friends that i do. I can't believe that these wonderful people have been in my life for 10, 15, 30+ years. Whilst I beat myself up that I don't call them enough, or catch up enough, they are thinking the same thing. I love that it doesn't seem to matter that is has been ages (in some cases years) before we have the chance to actually speak to each other, but when we do its as if we had coffee last week.
Someone once told me that to gauge a 'true' friend, think about which ones would lend you $1000 tomorrow if you asked for it.
Someone else once told me me a friend will help you move. A true friend will help you move the body :)
haha! I like the last bit!