French Women don’t get fat. French Women don’t get facelifts. And now, French women don’t give their babies stupid names.
The parents presumably wanted to hold the baby close and whisper: ‘I love you, Nutella” – a sentiment we fully understand. But as the judge pointed out, the child will be teased for having a seriously stupid name. And so it was deemed “contrary to the child’s interest” to be called after this delicious hazelnut spread.
But I have some questions that the judge failed to ask:
Did the parents really think long and hard about the name?
What if Nutella was a bullying little shit?
Then the world would know phrases like “I HATE Nutella”. “I NEVER want to see NUTELLA again”. Or the worst, “Nutella called me fat.”
No one wants to think about Nutella on the potty, Nutella in the bath, Nutella needing it’s arse wiped, Nutella picking it’s nose and wiping it on the couch. Nutella belongs in the cool dark of our pantries, or in a spoon, travelling towards our open mouths. End. Of. Story.
Another French couple were refused permission to call their child “Strawberry”.
The couple had said they wanted to give their daughter “an original name not in use”.
We feel you. That’s how the names ‘Braig’ (a cross between Brian and Craig) and ‘Haley-Bacardi’ (a cross between a sort-of-girls-name and a rum-based drink) were born.