That was unexpected.
Fran Drescher, everyone’s favourite ’90s nanny with a voice more distinctive than Morgan Freeman, has spoken about her sex life with her gay ex-husband.
The 57-year-old was honoured at the Stonewall Community Foundation Vision Awards for her advocacy work, and used her acceptance speech to reflect on her sex life with ex-husband Peter Marc Jacobson, 57.
“I have a gay art dealer, a gay dermatologist — not to mention my hairdresser,” she said in the speech.
“I have a gay ex-husband! People always say to me, ‘How did you not know?’ He loves decorating and fashion and clothes, but we actually did have sex a lot. I didn’t know at the time, though, that in his mind he was fucking the bartender at Olive Garden.”
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You know I'm all for acceptance, if someone has knowingly married a gay or transgender person and that's what makes them happy or they have an open marriage or whatever it is that they agree on that's fine, but it occurred to me today just before I read this is the downside to all this acceptance is that spouses (and children) are now expected to be fine if they find out their partner is gay or transgender, ala Jenner/kardashians story. And I think this is a major problem, because considering the traditional form of marriage was two heterosexual people who were turned on by each and where a man dressed like a "man" and a woman dressed like a "woman", most people getting married would assume that's what the agreed terms of their marriage was, it's an implicit agreement, perhaps not spoken but assumed. So unless someone is told otherwise at the onset of their relationship/marriage I think it is a huge betrayal to find out that the person you we're having sex with wasn't turned on by you or was having seriously desiring others in preference to you, or really felt that they should be a different sex. A heterosexual affair too is a huge betrayal but at the very least you might assume that your partner had at some stage some sexual passion for you, but to find out that they were gay means that they never truly enjoyed sex with you.
And this is where I think the acceptance thing goes too far, yes it's important to accept gay and transgender people and to accept different types of marriages when this style of marriage is agreed upon by the couple but not when it is a betrayal. I realise there are also some marriages where years down the track a spouse discovers their spouse is gay or transgender but decides to accept it, this to me is still a betrayal because most likely they wouldn't have married the person if they had known in the beginning, it is just as much a betrayal as if I found out my husband was a rampant womaniser but I decided to stay together for the sake of the kids.
Children too have a right to feel betrayed, while to some degree I appreciate that the relationship between my parents is their business, it would also make my own childhood a lie if I discovered that my seemingly happily married parents who I base my own ideas of what a good relationship should entail was just a coverup where my dad was secretly wanting to bonk men.
I have just found it very disturbing the way we are all supposed to accept Jenners transition and so has his/her family, yet if it turned out that Jenner was straight and his entire marriage was in love with another woman we would call it out for the betrayal it is.
Of course we should have sympathy for people like Jenner because they have felt forced into the traditional role so I'm not saying that I don't understand how they could have ended up getting married, they would have felt much pressure to do so, and also some of them might have genuinely wanted to make the most of their marriage and thought they could change, but I still feel that it is a terrible betrayal to their spouses and children and these families have the right to be embittered about it if they choose to be.
Perhaps if we had a more accepting society where transgender people didn't cop a whole lot of hardship (not all of the time but often) when coming out and where people could marry their same sex partners, we wouldn't have as many of these situations where the GLBTIQ community has tried to force themselves into traditional roles, often fooling themselves for a time too.
You're confusing two different issues. Someone hiding a massive, instrinsic part of themselves from their spouse - particularly a part that will directly impact their heterosexual interactions - is ALWAYS going to be painful and confronting, regardless of what that 'hidden part' is. People expect honesty from their spouse. Acceptance of someone being transgender isn't the cause of the issue - the only issue in the scenario you raise is the hurt feelings a spouse might feel at not being told the truth (which is totally legitimate).
Accepting someone when they 'come out' as gay or transgender' is THE most effective way to prevent those types of betrayals/hurtful situations from arising in the future.
If society was completely cool with people being gay or transgender, people would figure themselves out quicker and would be able to be completely open about how they identified from the get go.
Another man lying about their sexual preferences..... Poor Fran.