sex

Is this the best or worst sex advice for married couples ever?

You are either going to love or hate this advice from the woman who made a daily commitment to intimacy.

I was getting a manicure the first time I learned that not all wives want to, ahem, go for a roll in the hay with their husbands.

I was 16 and had picked out orange nail polish (oh, 16). I had a book with me but it wasn’t long before I found another source of entertainment. In between buffings and polishings, the two women next to me talked about how much their husbands wanted IT and how little they wanted to give IT.

For a girl that had not even been asked out on a date this was a whole new world.

“Doesn’t he know how tired I am by the end of the day? As if after the kids are finally asleep I have the energy to do anything but sit down and watch some TV.”

” Maybe if he took care of the kids when he got home or made dinner once in a while I would be more interested. Hell, just pick up the milk on the way home from work. I am not asking for much. Now that I think about it, I don’t think we have done it in the last three weeks.”

Wait. These women were married… they lived with a guy…. who slept in their bed. They could have sex all the time! And they didn’t want to? It made no sense…like turning down a calorie-free dessert.

How sad. How wasteful. How stupid. When I got married, I would always want to have sex with my husband! And I would never be too tired.

And then I grew up.

Sex was everything 16-year old me imagined plus a little whipped cream on top. (Whipped cream, see what I did there?) And once Riley and I got married there was lots and lots and lots of it. Then we had a baby and I really was just so tired my bones hurt.

And then one day while washing dishes, I realised that we had gone eight days without touching each other. Eight days was a quite some time for us. But the thing that bothered me the most was that I hadn’t missed it. And I knew that was a problem.

And so, without further ado….

Five Reasons You Should Have Sex with Your Husband Every Night

1. Being a mother, one of the ultimate expressions of womanhood, can often leave a girl feeling stripped of her femininity. There is something about  attending to the every need of another human being that makes one feel distinctly gender neutral. Most of my days are spent playing with dolls, wiping baby food off of my clothes, changing nappies, wiping snot off of my clothes, going to the park, and wiping what-the-heavens-is-that off of my clothes. There is something restorative about kissing the boy you love. There are times in Riley’s arms when I remember who I am before I even realise I have forgotten. Yes, I am a cook, cleaner, teacher, and wiper of all things disgusting. But I am also something more, something delightful and completely apart from my roles. I am a woman!

2. If you want your husband to act like a man, you need to treat him like a man. Hold the eye rolls. I am not pushing for a return to the 1950s. (Although, heaven knows an era in which low rise jeans did not exist is basically alright by me.) Women need any number of criteria met to feel loved. Men are far simpler. They need to be fed, they need to be appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really. So make or order dinner once in a while. Say thank you. And my goodness, let the poor man see you naked. It is astounding what a good man will do for a good woman that has made him feel loved. After a few weeks of meals and make outs, you will sit back and wonder why you didn’t insist on having sex every night sooner. Talk about a small investment and big returns.

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Megan and her Riley

3. You need to have a moment in each day that is just about the two of you. Remember that boy? The one that made your heart thump and hands sweat? The one that called when you hoped he would? He is still there. Every night after the kids go to bed is a chance to find him again. A moment to remind yourself that you are living an adventure and my goodness, there is nothing the two of you can’t do.

4. Sex relieves stress. I don’t know that this one needs much explanation. As a mother I eat stress for breakfast. So it seems to me I have a choice. I can let off steam by A) driving around at night and bashing in strangers' mailboxes or B) I can get down and dirty with that one guy I married that one time. I choose option B.

5. It is so much blasted fun. Seriously. Why are we so quick to refuse the good things in life? We will slog through our children’s Algebra homework, do Zumba in public and pluck the hair from our body ONE PIECE AT A TIME. But tell a girl to have sex every night and she looks at you like you are crazy, An orgasm? Every night? What do I look like? A Nymphomaniacal Super Woman?

Where is the logic in that?

Are we really too busy doing dishes to participate in an activity that is so good it has inspired genius (that saucy Shakespeare) and changed history (Okay, Helen of Troy, we get it. You were super hot)? My goodness, what a crazy way to live. Ladies, did it ever occur to you (to us!) that we should have sex because WE DESERVE IT?

Yeah, you deserve it.

So, tonight put the kids to bed. Leave the dishes in the sink and the floors unswept. They will wait. Take a moment to remember that you are the girl you hoped you would be and then go find that boy and remind him that he is the man you knew he could be.

Rinse. Repeat.

Quick Note: This article operates under the assumption that you are married to a good man that you, you know, like. I do not advocate getting down and dirty with abusers, chauvinists or losers. Shocking, I know.  Also? For some of you the every day bit might be out of the question. Okay. No biggie. Just make intimacy (of all kinds) a regular part of your life. 

And finally, looking for some sexual know how? Check out my Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex and Even Better Intimacy.

Have you and your partner ever tried the sex every day thing? How did it work out for you?

Are you struggling to find extra time in the day for your relationship? Then CLICK THROUGH these 10 awesome parenting life-hacks to save your precious time.

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