dating

"I was the 'other woman' without realising it. Now his girlfriend won't stop contacting me."

A recent Reddit thread has revealed the turmoil, anger and frustration of a woman who’s been the ‘other’ woman and not known it. She also doesn’t know what to do with the girlfriend who keeps contacting her for support.

“My ex was in two relationships at the same time. One with his girlfriend of five years, and one with me, for a year,” the Reddit post from Pettypriceless reads.

“He essentially pinned us against each other. Made me think she was a crazy ex, and made her think I was just a friend from work. When the other girl and I found out, we bonded and broke up with the guy.”

When the news is broken, how should you react?

“He tried to reach out to me multiple times after the breakup,” the Reddit post reads. “I went NC (no contact), the other girl did not. But then again, she was more invested/had more history with him than I did. He reached out to me to tell me he is going to therapy, is going to change, and is planning on being single for a long time. He wants us to be friends one day.”

Listen: Mia Freedman, Holly Wainwright and Monique Bowley discuss the ramifications of office affairs. (Post continues after audio.)

Should the girls stick together, throwing their two-timing mutual boyfriend out?

You never know, it might be the start of a long and cherished friendship.

“The other girl and I made a pact to never give him the time of day again,” the Reddit post continues. “But at the end of the day, she’s a stranger to me, and she can ultimately do whatever she wants. I just feel bad for her, that she can’t see through this guy’s lies and manipulation. She told me she keeps wanting to reach out to him. She kept reaching out to me for support as well, because she said all of her friends were his friends, and she was getting biased advice.”

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Should the person who has the deepest connection with him continue fighting for the relationship? Difficult to decide who “wins” in this case. I’m also not convinced he’s worth winning.

And what happens when you’re ready to move on, walk away, not have anything more to do with the sordid affair, but his girlfriend keeps reaching out. Maybe wanting consolation, more information, reassurance, understanding. How on earth do you react?

"My ex was in two relationships at the same time." Image: iStock.
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"I never plan to talk to my ex again, after all he made me a side piece, and lied to me the entire time," the Reddit post continues. "He treated his long time girlfriend so poorly. But it is getting to the point where I no longer want anything to do with this situation, but the other girl keeps bringing new things up and reaching out to me."

"I want to politely say that I am not her therapist, and maybe she too, should get help with dealing with all of this. I've helped as much as I'm comfortable with, and now I want to move on from the past. It's a painful reminder whenever she brings it up. I don't know how to address it to her so she can understand where I am coming from?"

Here are the best suggestions from fellow Redditors.

From people who've been there

I slept with the previous long-term girlfriend of my ex-partner after I found out. We then ultimately decided to part ways for the sake of our mental health. We're close now, but that's mostly because of external circumstances, so I would totally suggest going with your gut there. - nirallanocturne.

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I was in a similar situation and I really feel for you. Good for you walking away... I made the stupid decision to stick around for another six months or so and it was mostly awful. The good doesn't outweigh the bad. I didn't talk to the other girl though. I imagine its cathartic at first, having someone in a similar boat to you. Means you can get stuff off your chest and have a good back and forth. But I guess in the long run it is just a way of holding on to... something, even if it is just memories. - potato-eater.

A singles guide for surviving the silly season. Post continues below.

Maybe there should be conditions; you can only be friends if neither of you have contact with him

"[I think you should tell her something like this]: 'I really value the mutual support we shared with each other when we found out about (exbf) lies and cheating concerning us both. I want to move on and feel that the best way to do that is to have no contact with ex bf. Unfortunately, you seem to not feel the same, since you keep reaching out to contact him/responding when he reaches out to you and then relaying this information to me and asking for advice and support'.

"Then leave her to make her own stupid decisions. You can't force her to see him for what he is and she may never do that but you can control who you have in your life and her time in your lige has now ended." - gemc_81

Or there is this kick-ass, non-negotiable advice

I'd say, let her down gently, but do let her down. You both deserve the opportunity to move on from this jerk. - DinahMyte77.