By MIRIAM ERYAN
What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be.
That has been my biggest lesson in life so far. If there was one lesson I wish I’d been taught, it’s to relish the now – to trust entirely in the notion that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be right now and so are you.
The over ambitious journalist in me often thinks that that is ludicrous. That accepting now means accepting my mediocrity. It means not striving to achieve anything beyond my pedestrian job and never daring to dream. But life, in it’s cruel, comical and perfectly timed way, has taught me otherwise.
While I am yet to perfect being as Zen as a Buddhist Monk, while I have eaten, prayed and loved on several occasions, my awakening came masked in despair but layered in love. Each layer of that awakening taught me to relish my reality – whether bad or good, there was always a lesson. I resolve everyday to love my life and when love is too difficult an emotion, it means to simply learn from the moment you are in.
In health, I recently learnt that I was powerless to control some of the changes that my body experienced. I spent years believing my body was invincible. I wanted to change things about it but was never proactive about improving it. I regularly put it through nightshifts, sleeplessness, food binges, starvation, toxic diets and claimed to be caring for it. I recklessly abandoned its needs. I was chasing something that perhaps my body is not supposed to attain. Then my body forced me to stop the unruliness and to begin paying attention. I was sick. There was no way out. I was exactly where I needed to be at that point in my life.
While I spent many days grieving the health I took for granted, hindsight has shown me that my weakest moment delivered me into the hands of my greatest joy. Poor health taught me the importance of family, showed me the support of my friends and introduced me to my local Crossfit Gym (CrossFit Revolute) that true to its name, revolutionized my life.
It transformed my relationships with others and my perception of myself as I metamorphosed into a woman I never imagined I could be. It made the stress of work a simple blip in my day. It became my life support and every time my happiness seemed fleeting, it revived me.
Health and spirituality became paramount because of an absence of the former. This realization doesn’t mean I’m always ok or that my aspirations have vanished, but it means that every day, I can experience a renewal of myself, my goals and a realization of my capacity to push beyond my limitations.
Most days I am positive, content with where I am and more importantly who I am, and then my humanity kicks in.
Those self-destructive comments slowly start to diminish my confidence in myself:
“Why am I single?”