Is your life not currently turning out how you had hoped? Is something missing? Are you not good enough?
We can help you with that.
Turns out, the secret to making your life exceptionally better is actually pretty simple. All you need is a movie-style makeover.
Just follow these six simple steps and you’ll be on your way to becoming a much better person than you are now. The whole process usually works best if you can make it fit into a 40-second montage. If you can’t make that happen, at least be certain to enlist the help of a sassy best friend whose problems the audience don’t care about because she’s not the star.
Good luck! (Oh – and don’t get too excited, but if you do this properly, it’s more than likely you’ll end up with a man. A man! The stakes are high.)
Now get changing!
1. Change your hair.
Frizzy? No highlights? DEVOID OF LAYERS? Nobody is going to notice you that way. Drop that book and pick up a blowdryer. STAT.
2. Change your weight.
Oh, did we say ‘change your weight’? We meant ‘lose your weight’. If you want to be awesome (and snag a man), you’re allowed to have been fat in flashbacks only. Present-day fat does not work.
3. Change your whole face situation.
It’s pretty simple really: Your face is shit. Remove those glasses, pluck those eyebrows and add some make-up. There, that’s better. Now you can come out of your shell and let people notice the talents you had all along.