There should be a chapter in “The Life Text Book” about gift giving just to make sure that we are all on the same page. Because it seems we hardly ever are. Mamamia reader Annie* writes…
What is the etiquette these days for gift giving when you are invited to an event and can’t attend?When we are invited to something, from a kids birthday party to a wedding, if we can’t go we still always send a gift. On the flipside, when people can’t attend a function we are hosting, I’ve been surprised how few people still send a gift. Not that receiving the gift is the aim, but I was always bought up to do so and consider it to be good manners. I mentioned this to a girlfriend on the weekend and she said that’s old hat and nobody does it any more.
Am I out of touch?
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On a related but slightly tangential topic - how do people feel about re-gifting? I have in the past put aside a gift I was given but that wasn't really "me/us/him" with a note reminding me who gave it to me, and then when I found someone I thought it actually would suit, then I on-give it as their gift. Do you think that's cheap?!
Best wedding present I ever gave was a kitten (I knew they wanted one) - was so much fun at the wedding!!
Re-gifting is tricky moral dilema territory for me.
I have no problem re-gifting corporate gifts - as a "I thought you could use this" gift when I catch up with family or friends.
I figure corporate presents I get given comes from the company budget not the individual's pocket and that generally the person who gave the gift got their staff to chose it, they didn't go out and choice, buy and wrap it themself. Still I try and recycle it so that it gets some use and comes in handy to some one somewhere.
Re-gifting friends and rellies gifts is a tough one though, I think its ok with wine or chocolates, but if its something homewares or jewellery that the giver has put thought into but that we already have two or just "isn;t us" I always think about the "six degrees of separation". Do the original giver and the new receiver know each other? is the original giver ever going to see the new receiver with it and get upset?
Having said that, I would really LOVE someone to give us a kitten!!
I'm not a fan of re-gifting. A friend who got married a few months before me was given a few big stainless steel cooking pots. I remember her showing me. Then for my wedding she gave me one of the pots. It is useful but I found it a bit tacky especially on the occasion of a wedding. If I am given something that I don't want then I give it away, pass it on, ask if anyone wants it. No occasion necessary just sharing.
My feelings about this are simple:
Don't attend the event - no present given
If someone doesn't attend my event - no present expected.