I wish to start with the following disclaimer:
I love my girls; they are my everything. Especially since I’ve become a single mother, I have come to rely on them for certain things even more. They are good kids.
I just can’t be bothered parenting sometimes.
There, I said it. I know you know what I mean and if you don’t, send me your secrets, you wizard.
Yes, I love my glorious rat bags unconditionally, lights of my life blah blah blah, but on occasion I just want to facepalm them both and say: “Not today.”
I don’t feel like enough of us admit that sometimes, being a mother is just shit.
It can be lonely, frustrating, tiring and thankless. Of course it can also be exhilarating, rewarding and downright delightful. Sometimes I think I may explode from a love/pride combo. But that stuff is easy to talk about.
What I’m getting at is this: I think it’s ok to admit that your kids, can on occasion, PISS YOU OFF.
Sometimes my kids are jerks, but because of some weird sense of loyalty I don’t really admit that to anyone else. I am also guilty of gushing over every single crappy little thing they do. Until now. I’m putting an end to the lies!
I wrote the following memo to all children. Feel free to keep it to yourself or read it as a bedtime story to your cherub and/or cherubs. You can take the swear words out if you’d like, but I find well placed coarse language makes my kids pay attention. Here we go:
Em’s memo to all kids
1. What is with the drawing on every scrap of paper and presenting it like it’s a fecking Picasso? Is that a fish or a car? Either way, if you want it stuck on the fridge: do better.
2. Why do you need to use so much toilet paper? Your arse-to-paper ratio is way out. Your back-end has the surface area of two oranges. Use you resources accordingly.