This post is heavy on the satire and under no circumstances should you imagine that any of the people mentioned in the post actually said any of these things.
You have been warned.
By SCOTT LIMBRICK
The communications team at the Australian Parliament recently announced that they would be adding a ‘hot or not’ feature to profiles of MPs and Senators at www.aph.gov.au.
“Given recent events we feel it is only fair that the public decide on the hottest candidate,” a spokesman said.
“This is an additional step to ensure the Australian people are aware of the attractiveness of their current representatives. Only then will they be able to make a fully informed decision on September 7.”
Following this move, the developers of ABC’s Vote Compass rushed to include additional questions such as “What colour hair do you prefer on people of the sex to which you are attracted?” and “Angelina Jolie or Audrey Hepburn?”
The ABC defended this shift, claiming that Vote Compass could only be a valuable tool if it reflected the changing nature of debate in the country.
In a rare show of bipartisanship, both Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and Opposition Leader Tony Abbott welcomed the new online platform’s ability to democratically rate the physical desirability of their politicians.
Yet each seemed convinced that their own party’s candidates would outperform the competition.“Kate Ellis once snared 25 per cent of an internal poll on the sexiest parliamentarian,” boasted Rudd, “including members of the Coalition crossing the floor.”
“While many were ashamed that such a vote had been conducted at the time, now that sexiness is coming to the fore as a consideration for voters we are proud to have some solid data to back up our claim to being the sexiest political party.”
Abbott did not seem deterred, announcing that he would now be pushing for images to be placed on ballots alongside each candidate’s name.
“Sometimes a fair dinkum good looking candidate doesn’t have the nicest sounding name, and vice versa. We firmly believe that voters have the right to see those that may represent them in government before making their final decision.”