real life

"Dear Golden Retriever, no you may not sit on my lap while I drive."

 

Bern Morley

 

 

I’m not really a fan of being a passenger in a car.

In fact, I know this with absolute certainty that I simply cannot be. Not unless I wasn’t to reacquaint myself with catastrophic motion sickness.

So, even though I understand my beautiful friend, that you want to ride front and centre with me, looking through the front windscreen watching the world coming towards you, we simply can no longer ride together in the car this way.

 Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by
Nissan X-TRAIL. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100 per cent authentic and written in their own words.

There was a time, not so long ago, when you would enthusiastically hop in the car and were able to sit upon my lap as we drove down the highway. You were small enough to stretch out upon the passenger seat, put your head out that electric window and breathe in the surrounding perfumes that only you and your doggy friends can smell. Times have changed though and I hate to break it to you buddy, but it’s time for you to realise that if it’s just you and I getting in the car together, there’s a fair chance we aren’t going anywhere fun. In fact, now that you are considered a young adult in the canine world, you should be very well aware that the only place we are ever going is to visit in a car is “Dr Gary” the vet, a thermometer and a violation of your rights.

I don’t know if I have to remind you, but you rarely enjoy this visit. If we are going anywhere exciting my beautiful, gigantic stupid ball of fur, we generally walk there. Yet, and I say this with love, Max, you seem to have a memory like a goldfish and get so ridiculously excited when I open up the back door to the car that I can’t deny you your inappropriate launch into the front passenger seat.

“I hate to break it to you buddy, but if it’s just you and I getting in the car together, there’s a fair chance we aren’t going anywhere fun.”

Sadly though, in between the boot and the front seat, you have to contend with two toddler seats and often, a moody tween. So it would appear, you should, by rights, get poll position. Oh but wait, there’s often a large human man sitting in that seat which leaves, the boot. I agree Maxy, that’s no place for anyone or even a dog. Maybe it’s time for us to upgrade to a seven-seater car, in fact, I know this to be true. Even if it’s just to help get your “brother’s” friends to football each Saturday morning.  I really need to look into that.

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Which brings me back to this morning’s visit to the good doctor. Or in human speak, the Vet. Max, this one will be especially challenging for both yourself and for me because today you will become a little less of a man but equally, also a little less of a nutbag. For today you are off to see Dr Gary to be desexed. I’m sorry, you’re not yet one year old but let’s face it, both your escapee traits that rival Houdini’s and your advances towards the ladies of the neighborhood, indicate this is something that needs addressing.

This will not be a good day Max. In fact, it’s probably up there with your worst. I can promise you this though honey. You won’t feel a thing. In fact, Dr Gary is going to give you some magnificent drugs and you will wake up disorientated but unaware what I have just robbed you of. Oh, and you’ll have this massive cone around your neck.

I tell you what though Max, when I come to collect you, just for this day, I’ll let you put your head in my lap, just like you did as a pup, while I drive you home.

And, as a reward, I promise to get you your very own backseat in the next car that we buy.

 

 

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