Rigged areolas and a Todd Carney cameo: Mamamia recaps MAFS' Drew's truly terrifying music video.

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Drew from MAFS introduced himself to new fake-wife KC as a singer, who does a lot of weddings.

But he – for reasons we don’t understand – failed to mention he has uploaded music videos to YouTube and we simply must discuss.

Firstly: Drew used to be in a group called Drewboy and The Sax Addicts.

MAFS Experts: Uncut. Post continues below video.

Just let that sink in for a bit.

Then at some point, Drew ditched the Sax Addicts and just became… Drewboy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In May 2018, Drewboy uploaded a music video to YouTube. It was destined to receive a couple of thousand views, maybe, and earn him 20 cents in ad revenue, but then he signed up for Australia’s most popular but least successful reality TV show.

And now we must all see it.

The song is called Kick Ons, and it is absolutely everything you’d expect it to be.

Behold:

The video begins with Drew, drinking from a red cup and with a ripped shirt, entering his house.

There is a party at his house, and if he is just arriving, we must question how everyone got in.

But we have no time to sit and wonder, because this is a song and Drew has lyrics to sing.

“Sunday, make way for a fun day,” he begins.

Ah, okay. I see how this is going to go.

He walks into a room and totally ignores a man wearing a knitted squid face… mask? Hat? I truly don’t know the correct words to describe this:

As he spots Pikachu(???) in his kitchen, Drew wonders where his pants are. Because "f***, they were my best pair". He apologises for his bare chest, which makes precisely no sense because... Drew, you have a top on.

ANYWAY.

It turns out these first 22 seconds are the least concerning part of this entire thing.

You see, a group of women in bikinis have just arrived at Drew's party. He and squid face peek out the window.

"It’s nice to meet the twins, yay, big boobies for the win, please let this lady in so we can rub them on our chins, yum yum" he sings, and GOOD GOD PLEASE BURN IT ALL DOWN.

"We're all cooked like a Coles chook, trying to cop a cheap look, god damn I'm glad you're not my mum."

At this point, I had to pause the whole thing and take seven showers.

We're literally only 30 seconds in to a 3.43 minute long video, yet I persist.

For reasons unknown, Drew then appears on a couch dressed in a kangaroo onesie, while an unidentified man gets... cleaned

He then plays beer pong, surrounded by truly inspirational artworks.

FINALLY, we reach the chorus which goes a little something like this:

"Awayawayaway ohhhh we're all kicking onnn dsoifhghigh awayawatwatw weekend's almost gone somethignsomethignsomethig lit like neon" and at first listen, it's terrifying. But by the 100th time, because I've been forced to watch this on repeat in the name of content, honestly it's catchy as hell. Kudos, Drew.

PAUSE.

IS.

THAT.

TODD.

FREAKING.

CARNEY.

It is. Because OF COURSE IT IS.

No one in the entire world is better suited to pop up in this music video than Todd Carney.

In the second verse, Drew rhymes "nucleus" and "dubious", and realises he can't afford to get to work because of something he purchased that rhymes with... broke.

So, Drew, still in his marsupial onesie calls his boss, who looks remarkably like him, to pull a sickie.

By now, we're more than two minutes through the video and I'm thinking phew, you know, we're coming out the other side.

BUT THEN HE SAYS: "Party like we're young, like a rigged areola" AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I'M HIGHLY OFFENDED.

I'm about to pack it in - clearly, this kicking on business isn't for me - but then the video cuts to Drew, still part-marsupial, drinking on a jetski.

Firstly, sir, I thought you spent too much on illicit substances so how did you afford this? And secondly, shit, it's time for the chorus again and this is painfully catchy.

"Awayawayaway ohhhh we're all kicking onnn dsoifhghigh awayawatwatw weekend's almost gone somethignsomethignsomethig lit like neon."

Finally, the kicking on ends with a pool party which breaks precisely ALL the health and safety guidelines.

Help, there is a half-unicorn, half-woman who could at any moment cause a gruesome jetski-related incident and a man who is much too excited over a pool noodle.

For much too long, these people keep kicking on.

It baffles me how no one has packed it in, ordered Uber Eats and chucked on an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

There's a few more ladsladslads moments involving a dildo. Ah, at last. I was just thinking about how all this video was lacking was a sex toy.

Goodness. We've made it.

There's one final, overly autotuned "let's stay up for the kick ons".

Then the screen fades to black, along with all my hopes and dreams.