If 2016 has taught us anything, it’s to always maintain a healthy level of skepticism.
Last night, Drake, 30, and Jennifer Lopez, 47, posted identical pictures on Instagram, featuring the pair cosied up on what appears to be a rather comfortable lounge.
In the profound words of one ‘Drake the rapper’, “Last night, I came to a realisation. And I hope you can take it…”
You see, I’m just not convinced.
I have stalked enough relationships on the Internet to know what signs to look out for.
So excuse me while I dust off my power suit and retrieve my spectacles, because it’s time for a full-blown investigation.
We open on a photograph. A single photograph.
The image — which was shared by both parties — received 600,000 more 'likes' on Drake's page than Lopez's.
That doesn't actually mean anything, it just sort of... sucks to be JLo. Imagine getting more than one million likes on a photo of yourself and being the less popular person in your relationship.
Anywho - evidence.
This was, according to all media outlets, the nail in the coffin. The objective and final confirmation that the singer and rapper are in a monogamous, official relationship together.
So what's missing? Well, er, a caption for starters.
Neither party actually wrote anything to their combined following of more than 86 million people. Not a word. Which begs the question; why?
Well, perhaps because they have nothing to say yet.
Indeed, the single image has been covered in the media worldwide - as the pair no doubt expected. But by leaving the image captionless, both parties knew that this wouldn't just be a news story. They now have an audience thirsting for an explanation.
They knew the photograph would only be the beginning.
Two weeks ago, Drake and Lopez shared the following image on Instagram.
Drake's caption included that god-awful love heart emoji face and "lotta those". Interesting (vomit).
It's simply unbelievable that such a cringe-worthy caption wouldn't be a deal breaker for Lopez.
A photo posted by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on
The photograph received 1.1 million likes.
Could he have been testing the waters? Seeing how his fans would respond to a new potential romance?
Lopez captioned her photograph "Look who rolled up to my show tonight to say hi!! #lovehim #jlovegas #ALLIHAVE."
Even more interesting. If the pair are actually together, hashtagging 'love him' seems slightly premature. Surely Lopez would play it a lot cooler than that. Surely.
BUT THEN.
Three weeks ago, Lopez posted this to Instagram:
Mood #Ilovemylife and the people in it! #friends #familia #LOVE
A photo posted by Jennifer Lopez (@jlo) on
Well - this seems like the sort of cryptic shit you post when you've just started seeing someone, but don't want to officially announce it. Instead, you just post out-of-character quotes on Instagram, hoping your new buddy will see.
Could it be that Lopez is just as lame as we are?
BUT WAIT.
Two weeks ago, Drake did this:
A photo posted by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on
LIKE LOVE DRAKE? LIKE LOVE!?
One word: PRomance.
A promance refers to the purposeful pairing of two well-known individuals to boost their media profile. Oftentimes they go hand in hand with a film or album release, and include a number of staged paparazzi shots... or Instagram shots.
What's a PRomance? The women on Mamamia Out Loud explain. (Post continues below.)
Case in point; Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift. Their 'romance' was long speculated to be a promance, to assist Swift in bouncing back from her break up with Calvin Harris.
Could this be a promance?
Drake has done this before. Many times.
Just seven weeks ago, he posted this to Instagram.
A photo posted by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on
He dropped what he straight up KNEW would be a bombshell, and sat back while all his fans argued about it. Genius.
Then, in his song 'Thank Me Later', he included the lyrics "I love Nicki Minaj/ I told her I'd admit it/ I hope one day we get married just to say we f***ing did it/ And girl I'm f***ing serious."
At the end of 2015 Drake was pictured many times with Serena Williams, and they proceeded to have a very public romance.
Oh yes, and Rita Ora. They were rumoured to be dating after collaborating on her song.
But we can't forget Zoe Kravitz! They were allegedly dating before and after his European tour with Rihanna. Their romance was 'exposed' when the two shared pictures on social media. Familiar...
And of course there is goddamn Rihanna.
They're together and then they break up and then they get back together JUST IN TIME for the release of their new hit song - of which there have now been FOUR.
In August of this year, Drake declared his "love" for her at the 2016 MTV VMAs.
You know what it is? It's image crafting. A carefully crafted identity that is inextricably intertwined with Drake's brand. He loves and adores women. He is a hopeless romantic. We listen to his songs imagining how BLOODY Rihanna used to call him on his cellphone, and now when that hotline bling it can only mean one thing.
Did she start wearing less and going out more? Or was it Rita? Or Serena? Or Zoe? Or Nicki? OMG IT'S ALL JUST SO INTRIGUING WE CANNOT.
There are reports that Drake and Lopez are working together on new music.
Drake is releasing a new album in 2017.
Oh yes, and so is Lopez.
Post continues after gallery...
It's also a great time of year to generate some buzz. It's quiet. People are bored. We don't even know what day it is. We need something to talk about.
This random member of the Internet put it perfectly; "They’re filming a music video. We’re giving this corny bastard too much credit. Besides, he belongs with Princess RiRi. We know this to be true. Don’t try to change the universe."
