It feels good to be comfortable in my own skin. It took a while to get here, but I made it in one piece. I’ve reached a place where I can call out sexism and not be fearful of the reprisals. I’ve found my voice, and it’s strong. I’m me again.
The nine-year-old Angela has made a triumphant return. Being a freelance journalist helps: I’m not shackled to one organisation and its views. But I also think my changed attitude has a lot to do with becoming a mother.
Deep down, I’d always wanted to be a mother. This feeling, the desire to have a child, wasn’t something I spoke about (or quietly obsessed about, either) – there wasn’t some grand master plan that I mapped out in my head before drifting off to sleep each night.
In my head (which was far too busy with working hard and playing hard) I just assumed that it would happen – life would unfold and the rest would take care of itself. Easy.
Only in my late thirties did I start to think that it might never happen, and only then did I realise quite how much it meant to me. I’d buried any feelings about motherhood in red wine, work, travel and keeping busy – but, as forty loomed, the hole that was opening up inside of me became impossible to ignore, and the accompanying sadness became horribly real.
I thought that my chance to have a child had passed. I was beautifully wrong.
Top Comments
Wasnt there an article on here about women being traumatized because they didnt get the boy or girl they wanted?.Obviously its a big deal for some
Most people have a preconceived notion in their head of what raising each will be like. I for one wanted a boy, I have experience raising boys (young nephews), their problems seem more clear cut than that of girls. Growing up as a girl I played like a boy with the boys, but the older I got the harder it got and the more convoluted my relationships and such became. Of course, this is the same for boys, but I still feel it is to a lesser extent. Women are torn down and judged for everything, usually by other women unfortunately. I am having a girl soon, and while I couldnt be happier and I am very excited, I know the older she gets the more concerned for her I will become. It will be hard, but I will raise her to my best ability to not be like the other girls, not to get caught up in the games and love herself and everyone around her for who they are...
Also, dont judge women for wanting either a boy or a girl. Every other pregnant woman around me, while they spout off the generic 'oh it doesn't matter so long as they are healthy' in public or to family, in closed and safe spaces has great desire for one gender over another. I think that is natural, not shameful. Of course, we would like them to also be healthy, but of our preferred gender, too.