I feel guilty for wanting a third child so desperately.
I conceived my first two children without even trying, but now that I really want a third baby it’s just not happening.
I’ve had a fever for six months. And the prescription is more baby.
I don’t want to want another child. My husband and I have a beautiful girl and boy. We look like the bicycling family on a prescription medication commercial. We’ve achieved the perfect boy to girl ratio in our home. A third baby would cause us to rearrange bedrooms, car seats and our entire lives.
But the overwhelming desire to have a third child just won’t leave me be. I can’t pass a stroller without looking in. I’ve even started watching A Baby Story again.
I want to be pregnant, but I don’t look forward to another pregnancy. Through both of my pregnancies, I suffered with preeclampsia, chronic nausea and psychotic hormonal episodes when Chick-fil-A was closed on Sunday and all I craved was some freaking poultry and waffle fries.
I wasn't a beautiful and glowing pregnant woman, either. My once soft, smooth skin became riddled with hormonal acne that caused me to resemble Pizza the Hutt from Mel Brooks' classic, Spaceballs. My waistline expanded like a sumo wrestler on a sugar IV. I developed a wingspan -- the top of my arms actually looked like the anatomy of a Falcon. I was also chronically fatigued and had more baggage than Samsonite under my eyes on any given day.
But the moments that both of my children were born made it all worth it. The acne went away, my hormones leveled out, I finally fit into clothes that didn't look like tarps and my energy somehow resurfaced as I washed poop from crib sheets and soothed colicky babies while watching the sun rise.
So my husband and I agreed not to dwell on the unattractive witch who would grace our home for nine months, and we decided to start trying. I was confident that after a margarita or two, I'd be all good and knocked up with baby number three.
Conceiving children has never been a difficult task for me. My daughter is a souvenir from our honeymoon to Nassau. Our son was the best surprise I've received since passing Biology in the ninth grade. It seemed that my husband and I didn't even have to think about having a baby to have one.