couples

"Don't judge me...but I hate it when my baby is in my bed."

And I don’t know how to tell my wife.

I know everyone warned me that when we brought a baby into our life, everything would change.

And some things have changed, and I don’t mind. But there is one thing that I do mind. I mind a lot.

My wife insists on bed-sharing with our 6-month-old. Since day one, she’s slept with our baby in our bed.

At first there was the constant fear I was going to squash the baby, until my wife eventually agreed to not putting the baby in the middle of us. But instead on her side with her in the middle.

At first, I thought it would just be a few days. Maybe even a week. I wanted to be a supportive husband. I wanted to show I cared. But the baby never left the bed.

Now, every night my wife cuddles our son instead of me. Every night, I’m faced with her back to me.

Before the baby, no matter how tired we were we would have late night meaningless chats before falling asleep. Things we’d forgotten to tell each other. Now it’s, “shhh…you’ll wake the baby”. She’s basically replaced me.

And forget about sex. No night time sex at all. Ever.

"I wanted to be a supportive husband. I wanted to show I cared. But the baby never left the bed." Image via iStock
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I'm also worried she is being too clingy to our son. He has to learn independence right? One day he will have to sleep in his own bed right? She can't be with him 24/7 (she's taken maternity leave for 12 months, so at the moment she is with him 24/7). I'm worried that the longer this goes on, the harder it will be for both of them to separate.

Look, I understand she is just trying to be a good mum.

She is just worried and wants to keep an eye on our little guy. I know she's worried that he would feel all alone by himself in another room. Unfortunately, our bedroom isn't big enough for a cot or crib next to our bed.

And I know, or I hope, it will one day end. That she will feel comfortable to let him move to his own room. But she's already talking about having another baby soon. I can just imagine that as soon as my son goes to his own room, the next baby will take their place.

I know I sound like an idiot when I say this but...I just want my wife back. Just for at least an hour. Or a night. For the spontaneous about-to-sleep sex. For the late night talks. The going to sleep cuddles.

I hate that I am competing with my son for my wife's attention. But that is exactly what it feels like.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

If, like this reader, you have a dilemma that you would like advice about, please email [email protected] with Don’t Judge Me in the subject field. You will be contacted before publication, and your identity will be protected.

Want more? Try:

Why some men want to breastfeed.

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