Oh Clive Palmer. If you're going to copy someone's homework, it shouldn't be JFK's.


First he called in sick, and now he’s stealing a former US President’s homework.

Ladies and Gentlemen: This is Clive Palmer in parliament. Buckle your seatbelts because we suspect it is going to be quite the ride.

After being officially sworn in as an MP today (after having the sniffles yesterday), Clivey made his debut speech in the House of Representatives.

But it looks like someone was so eager to impress the cool kids on his first day, that he may have been doing some sneaky Wikipedia searching last night. Sneaky Wikipedia searching of key words like ‘great’ and ‘political’ and ‘speeches’.

Yeah. Clive Palmer tried to steal JFK’s homework.

Here’s how Clive’s speech began today:

“In 1851 – a long time ago – the New York Herald Tribune had retained its London correspondent, a little known journalist, named by his mother as Karl Marx. Apparently he was without means, his family was sick and hungry, he didn’t have any money.”

He repeatedly appealed to his publisher Horace Greeley … to boost his salary of $5 a story, a stipend his close friend Engels said was the lousiest petty bourgeoise heating that he’d ever seen.”

And here’s a speech by JFK in 1961:

“You may remember that in 1851 the New York Herald Tribune, under the sponsorship and publishing of Horace Greeley, employed as its London correspondent an obscure journalist by the name of Karl Marx.”

“We are told that foreign correspondent Marx, stone broke, and with a family ill and undernourished, constantly appealed to Greeley and Managing Editor Charles Dana for an increase in his munificent salary of $5 per installment, a salary which he and Engels ungratefully labelled as the ‘lousiest petty bourgeois cheating’.

Uh oh… Everyone knows that when you’re copying homework you need to change it up more than that. At least change the names or something.

But it doesn’t end there.

Clive must have been on a copy and paste roll last night, because he went on to say this:

“He sought another means to support his family, to find the recognition that all journalists deserve. So he was forced to give up his job at the New York Herald Tribune so he could spend all his time working on an idea. An idea he thought he would leave to the world. An idea which became the foundation if Stalinism, Leninism, revolution, and the Cold War.”

Except woopsy! That part of JFK’s speech was kind of the same as well:

“But when all his financial appeals were refused, Marx looked around for other means of livelihood and fame, eventually terminating his relationship with the Tribune and devoting his talents full time to the cause that would bequeath to the world the seeds of Leninism, Stalinism, revolution and the cold war.”

Well… maybe he was planning to end on something like, “Those were the great words of JFK etc etc etc”?

Haha nope! He doesn’t credit his source, and even tries to throw us off the scent by adding in an Aussie name we’ll all recognise.

Sneaky, sneaky Clive:

“If only this bourgeois publisher and editor had treated him more fairly and listened to his increase for wages. If only Marx had remained a foreign correspondent, the world might be a different place and the 20th century wouldn’t have so much suffering. I just want to say today that I hope Rupert Murdoch and all publishers will think more about talented dedicated journalists and their families.”

Here’s JFK’s conclusion (minus the relevant Rupert Murdoch mention, because Clive worked really hard on making this his own, you guys).

“If only this capitalistic New York newspaper had treated him more kindly; if only Marx had remained a foreign correspondent, history might have been different. And I hope all publishers will bear this lesson in mind the next time they receive a poverty-stricken appeal for a small increase in the expense account from an obscure newspaper.”

Amazing. Buckle your seatbelts everyone – we suspect Clive Palmer Goes to Parliament is going to be quite the ride.

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