Well, there’s no turning back now. The terrifying enigma that is Clive Palmer is officially representing the people of this country in a parliamentary capacity.
The man who is rebuilding
a giant floating monument of death the Titanic is actually looking out for your interests. The bloke who spends a considerable amount of his alleged billions on animatronic dinosaurs is actually in charge of making decisions on your behalf.
Why? Because democracy.
All we can do now is sit back, close our eyes tight and pray that he doesn’t try and trade his parliamentary privilege for a handful of magic beans.
On a positive note, now that he’s in parliament, we get to keep track of the sometimes hilarious and always surprising things he has to say. Let’s start with his maiden speech yesterday, shall we?
Ol’ Clivey had some interesting things to say in his first ever parliamentary speech. Most politicians use their first time in the spotlight to concentrate on a few key, specific things they would like to do during their time in parliament. Not Clive. Clive thinks big. Robot dinosaur/Titanic big, and his epic, grandiose, almost poetic maiden speech is no different.
He touched on everything from multi-billion dollar companies having more control over their taxes (shocker) to feminism. Feminism!
Here are the six of his very best:
1. Kept things low key. Called for a revolution:
“Australia needs a revolution in the way we think, in the way we boost our wealth and economy for all our citizens.”
2. Made his position clear through firm and declarative statements
“Many people say they care, but they don’t. Parliament should be about the needs of others, but sometimes it’s not.”
3. Ideas. If Clive says the word ‘ideas’ enough, people will think that he has ideas. Ideas.