Recently, one of those ‘Memories’ posts popped up on my Facebook: “On this day seven years ago, I was excited about Christmas and what the coming year would bring.” Wow!
For anyone that knows me now, they would question “have I ever been excited about Christmas?” I am somewhat of a Christmas grinch. I despise Christmas. A lot of people ask me why and I have always found it difficult to answer.
This memory on Facebook made me realise this is not what I have always been. I have not always hated the Christmas season. I have grown to hate it. What happened to that excited young woman from seven years ago? The one who was filled with joy at the thought of Christmas and most importantly excited at the prospect that the following year might bring the new baby our hearts desired.
Seven years ago was our first Christmas as a married couple, we had started trying for a baby and were about to move into our new 'family home'. We were blissfully consumed by dreams of future Christmases filled with laughter, love and excited children tearing open presents, dreams of the rooms of our new home filled with our family. We thought it was a very real possibility that within the following year we would have a baby in our arms.
Fast forward seven years. Christmas after Christmas our hopes have been dashed. Christmas wishes time and time again did not come true. Slowly and surely Christmas became less exciting. The gleeful aura that surrounds the month of December diminished. How could it be possible that we were disappointed year after year?
How do you answer the question of "What do you want for Christmas?" when what you truly want can't be purchased in a shop? How do you find a way to put a smile on your face when you want to cry inside? How do you go to the shops filled with happy excited children when you have so much trouble even imagining that this may one day be your child sitting on Santa's knee having their photo taken? How do you buy gifts for the ever increasing amount of friends' babies, nieces and nephews when you feel you should be buying something for your own child?