7 things only a soccer parent will understand.

Soccer season is heading to the business end. How long ’til we get our Saturdays back?

Kids’ soccer doesn’t make much sense to me. We play outdoor soccer in winter and indoor soccer in summer. We should flip it. Because I am FREEZING, and so are my kids. I drink bad coffee and lukewarm hot chocolates just to try and stop shivering. So I can cheer. Yay for soccer!

I’m not an expert, but I’ve been a soccer mum for almost five years. So actually yes, I am an expert.

Here are 7 things only a soccer parent would understand:

1. How to freeze and thaw kids without them getting sick.

It makes perfect sense to go from doing everything possible to keep our children warm and healthy during winter, and then send them out to train and play in bone-chilling cold or even when it’s raining, because if the grounds are open, the game goes ahead no matter what. And don’t expect most parents to get out of the car during training on nights like that. We’ll be in the car blasting the heater drinking tea, thank you very much.

Sadly, this isn’t accepted during games when we have to force ourselves out of the car to watch, like a good parent. Did you know it actually hurts to clap when it’s cold?

2. Clap for everything.

Think of the Lego Movie, theme song, "Everything is awesome". In soccer, EVERYTHING is awesome, even the stuff that is not. If your child's team almost scores, clap. If we save a goal, clap. If the other team scores a goal, clap, a little less loudly but still clap. And cheer. Cheer every kick, every attempt at at goal, every good pass, every failed pass. Cheering is good, as is yelling out passionate advice when the coach isn't close enough to give you a dirty look.

3. Winning doesn't matter.

A win is excellent news but a loss is also wonderful because they tried really hard. Well done kids, you lost by 12 goals but it could have been worse. You did really well. Amazing. You really had them on their toes. Excellent defense. So proud of you , so so proud. And seriously kids, winning doesn't even matter. Who cares? You are superstars. Stars, we tell you.

The score means nothing. Except when they do start to score and win and we all LOSE OUR MINDS with joy. Oh no, they're onto us.

4. Parents are experts.

Yes you are the referee/coach/manager but we're experts on our children and their abilities. We have been taking them to training and games for years. We KNOW stuff. So we will be yelling out instructions every now and then and we'll also be telling our children how we think they should play. And if you sub our child too many times, you'll hear about it.

What do you mean everyone gets subbed? My child was off for 30 seconds longer than that other play. Put him back on.

5. Feed them like professional athletes.

Our children are just like professional sportsmen so the really need oranges at halftime, a treat at the end of the game and a sausage sandwich with extra sauce to eat on the way to the car. They burned up so many calories by running around for an hour and a half that we need to feed them extreme amounts of food immediately. Because it's healthy. Eat up kids.

And plus, buying food raises money for the club. So eat up, folks.

6. Children are easily fooled, or they're really good actors.

Have they not figured out that they all get a turn as Player of the Match and that we are marking down their names to make sure nobody gets it twice? Oh gosh, yep, they totally haven't figured it out. Look at their pride on their little face. Quick, hide the list with the ticks next to their names.

7. Soccer socks suck.

Soccer socks are the most difficult item of clothing you will ever try and put on your child and that includes onesies and tights. They are difficult to even get over the foot let alone all the way up to the knee and then, once you've broken a sweat getting that first one on you have to do another one. Try not to swear, or fall backwards. Stay calm, breathe. Then, once the socks are on and the shin pads have been stuffed down them, try getting the soccer boots over them.

Remember, stay calm. Soon your kids will be able to put them on themselves. When is that?!?

Images courtesy of Andrew Siwak Photography.

So soccer mums, have I nailed it or are you itching to add something to this list?

Team sports are great for kids but there are lots of other things we can do. Here are some brilliant ways to get your kids more active? Try these 8 ideas:

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