'Yesterday I had teenage daughter. Today I have a housemate.'

It was an argument about the length of her shower that did it.

It started off politely enough: I requested she get out of the shower (after all, she’d been in there for 45 minutes). She responded with derision and the accusation that I wasn’t allowing her to “live her life”. I countered with the fact that I’m happy to let her live her life as long as she wants to help pay the excess water bill.

This “conversation” with my teenage daughter isn’t unusual. I can factor it into almost every day lately. Excuse me while I paraphrase Britney and say that, at 16 years of age, “she’s not a girl but not yet a woman”. What she is, however, is less my daughter and more a freeloading housemate. I predicted a lot of things as a parent, but living alongside her in this capacity was not one of them.

But it's not a 'housemate' situation - and that's the problem. With housemates, you have rules about cohabiting.

I'm completely unsure how this is supposed to work. There's no map for me to work my way around our new and, if I'm honest, uneasy relationship.

As a young child, there was only one relationship – I was the parent and she was the child. And while I am, and will always be, her mum, I’ve also (somewhere along the way) morphed into her friend, her confidante and occasional mentor. Well, for about 50 per cent of the time.

The other 50 per cent, I am considered grossly unfair, the enemy and often, it seems, her least favourite person. On any given day, I am all of these things at once. If they weren’t our offspring, it's around this stage of our lives that we'd cut them loose and not look back.

There have been moments over the last three years where she has lost her mind at the most irrational of situations. Perhaps it’s because one of her brothers dared get into the shower before her - despite the fact she hadn't declared any intention to do so. Or maybe one of us just looked at her the wrong way. Whatever it was, we have all been walking a taut tightrope for years now.

But I expected all that. It's typical teenage behaviour and because I was one not so long ago, I was more than ready for it.

What I wasn’t prepared for, what I’m not ready to deal with, is living in a home where I have to negotiate with someone who is basically another adult and living in what is essentially, a share house with her. The same problems and situations that I had with my housemates 20 years ago are suddenly rearing their ugly head again now. But this time, I can't just evict her or move house.

For example:

Bills

As parents, we expect and are happy to provide basic utilities for our children. A roof over their heads, heat and power to keep them washed and warm, an internet connection, and for some, pay TV and Netflix. What I do baulk at, however, is the mobile phone that ends up costing more per month than my own car repayment or the hour of shower that, in turn, sends my gas and water bills through the roof. I now find myself negotiating with her about her showering habits, her downloads - and making demands for money.

Chores

It’s universally accepted that parents, often in an uneasy truce, take care of most household chores. Sure the kids will be required to keep their room clean (or at least not plunge them to biohazard levels) and do the dishes on a rotating roster. There comes a time though, where your teenager becomes a transient creature of the night, thundering through the home and leaving a trail of destruction before disappearing again. I've already had the conversation that starts with the words "If you want to continue living under this roof..."

Borrowing

Housemates who borrow without asking are rarely tolerated, but when it’s your child, there's a lot more lenience. Until they fail to return your $300 GHD hair straightener and think nothing of borrowing your favourite boots and trashing them. Then share house rules have to be implemented: Ask, respect and return in the same condition you borrowed it.

Overnight guests

In a share house it's common to find a random stranger drinking your coffee and using the last of the milk and it’s exactly the same when your teen starts bringing friends to sleep over. There’s the awkward morning chat you have to have when all you want to do is silently go about getting yourself caffeinated. Or finding someone has eaten the last piece of pizza you'd had your eye on for lunch. Not to mention the person sleeping on the couch in their undies who reeks of booze and seems to belong to no one.

And even though you try to be hospitable and say everyone is welcome, there comes a point where you have to point out you’re not running a halfway house.

Noise

It’s the bugbear of most every human being - unwanted noise. Especially when you’re trying to sleep or rest. The music selections of teenagers are notoriously crap, so the more they inflict it upon you at unwanted intervals, the more your blood pressure rises. Their mentality smacks of the inconsiderate housemates of the past. As they get older, the volume goes up and the lack of consideration goes down.

And it’s not just contained to their bedrooms. They’ve got the laptop in the bathroom so they can watch SVU while they shower and the record player on in the lounge room even though they left it 25 minutes ago. Like a bad housemate, they can't be muted; unlike a housemate, they can't be evicted.

The revelation that I am no longer so much parenting my daughter as sharing a house with her has floored me. Mainly because I’m not sure I signed up for this when I became a parent.

Did a point come in your life where you realised you were in a share house situation with your own child? I'd love some advice about how to negotiate this new stage of parenting.

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