entertainment

Mamamia's Fluff Awards: For all those celebrities who didn't win an Oscar or a Grammy.

It’s coming up to award season. But, why should we let the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (whoever they actually are) have all the fun?

Welcome to Mamamia’s 1st Annual Fluff Awards. They’re a set of awards that we’re giving out to our favourite celebrity news stories for 2013. The stories that made us laugh, made us cry and the ones that sent us into a crazed panic because they broke just before we all left the office on a Friday. They’re the best celebrity stories of 2013, and we’re proud to present them with the awards they deserve .

So, without further ado, let the Fluffies begin!

The Ross and Rachel Award for Excellence in a Celebrity Relationship Saga

Shurley

This year, Liz Hurley and Shane Warne kept the world (look, maybe just Australia and England) on the edge of their seats with their gripping Twitter exchanges:

And remember that time Shane made front page news when he went to a golf tournament because HE COULD HAVE BEEN GOING TO ENGLAND TO REUNITE WITH LIZ? Yeah, unfortunately we do too.

Celebrity Haircut of the Year

Michelle Obama

She faced very, very tough competition from Jennifer Lawrence (and Keith Urban, for that matter), but ultimately Michelle Obama’s red-tinged fringe won the day.

And, if you wish to play judge yourself, here are some more celebrity haircuts that made their debut this year. Official appeals of our decision may be made in the comments:

Kardashian of the Year

Kanye West

We didn’t think that anyone could out-Kardashian Kim, but Kanye has really gone above and beyond this year. Here are a couple of choice quotes:

“What fun is life if you don’t talk s**t right? Everybody gon’ talk s*** to you, right? Anybody gonna tell you what you can, you can’t do, right?” – On tour in Las Vegas “No one is looking at what [President] Obama is wearing. Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day.” – In reference to his wife’s selfie in a white swimsuit.

Oh, and then there was this whole thing:

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Best. Kardashian. Ever.

The Mary-Kate and Ashley Award for Best Childstar Rebellion

Abigail Breslin 

You thought we were going to say Miley Cyrus, didn’t you? While Miley was considered as a potential recipient, ultimately this award has to go to Breslin. Because nothing says “I am a grown-up now” quite like topless photos in the bath.

For comparative purposes:

Abigail Breslin in Little Miss Sunshine

 

Best Headline-grabbing by a Television Series (International)

Game of Thrones

#RedWedding. Enough said.

Best Headline-grabbing by a Television Series (Local)

Offspring

We’re still sad about Patrick. That’s normal, right?

Celebrity backflip of the year. Hands down.

 

Celebrity Backflip of the Year

Simon Cowell becoming a dad

Here are a few quotes Simon Cowell has given about fatherhood in the past:

“I worry about [kids]. If they could be born at the age of five, I’d quite like that. I’m not sure if I could deal with the ‘ga ga goo’ thing.”

“[I thought about it for] a little while, but not seriously. I was sort of probably just in the moment. Truthfully, with the schedule, the crazy hours, I don’t think it would work.”

And yet, on August 21st 2013, we learnt that something inside the cold-hearted X Factor judge must have broken, because he was set to become a father.

(Note: The thing that broke was possibly a condom, because the bub was conceived with one of his best friend’s wives. Stay classy, Cowell.)

Celebrity Advertisement of the Year

Miranda Kerr’s Japanese laundry commercial

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYQRt9IFQ6Q

Laundry! Fundry! Fun! Fun!

The “KIM KARDASHIAN’S PREGNANT?” Award for Excellence in Catching Entertainment Reporters Off-guard

Beyonce’s album release

So named for the (incredibly famous) woman who announced that she was expecting her first child on New Year’s Eve while every entertainment reporter was out of the office/very drunk, this award goes to the celebrity who has proven themselves the most adept at sticking it to the news cycle and making headline-worthy waves whenever the hell they want.

Beyonce’s decision to release her new album, without a marketing campaign or any sort of fanfare, two Fridays out from Christmas definitely caught everyone in the Mamamia office a little bit off-guard.

But then we forgave her, because a) the album is really good and b) Beyonce.  

Celebrity Baby of the Year

Adele won celebrity motherhood. Won it.

Angelo Konecki

Who, we hear you ask? Why, Adele’s baby boy, of course!

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The one year old who managed to make it through the whole year following his birth without generating a single headline, thus increasing his prospects of, you know, living a normal life and becoming an accountant. Or something.

Taking notes, North?

The Robert Downey Jr Award for Best Celebrity Comeback

Miley Cyrus

She transformed herself from this:

To this:

In her documentary, Miley: the Movement, she described the whole transition as “a hot mess, but a strategic hot mess”. And, to be honest, we’re inclined to agree. What Miley did this year could just have been one of Hollywood’s most successful reinventions.

Doesn’t mean we didn’t think that this whole situation was messed up, though:

And the Golden Facepalm Award goes to…

 

The Golden Facepalm Award

Justin Bieber

Spitting on fans, urinating in mop buckets, graffitiing hotel walls, night club brawls, visiting brothels, and, you know, announcing his ‘retirement’ like it would disappoint us, this year the Biebs has really gone above and beyond in the art of douchebaggery.

Will he turn it around in 2014? Or will he just find new buckets to piss in? Who can say.

Mamamia’s Spirit Animal of the Year

Jennifer Lawrence

Dear J-Law,

Thank you for this:

“Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, ‘How can you remain with a level head?’ And I’m like, ‘Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.” – In her Vanity Fair interview

This:

And this:

Jennifer Lawrence receiving the Oscar for Best Actress.

Oh, and this:

And, last but certainly not least, this:

“If anybody even tries to whisper the word “diet”, I’m like, ‘You can go f*** yourself.’” – In her interview with Harpers Bazaar



And the big one: Fluff Story of the Year

Royal Baby

We’re not going to lie. Despite having a very strong number of very proud republicans in our office, we all lost our shit over the birth of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s first child, HRH Prince George Alexander Louis.

First Kate appeared out the front of the hospital with a totally normal looking tum:

Then there was the adorably backlit family photo taken by Kate’s father, Michael:

Then the official portraits from his Christening:

By the end of it all we were seriously thinking that we should change the national anthem back to ‘God Save the Queen’.

Damn those likeable royals.

So, did we miss anything?