I wondered the other day, after I sneezed and scared the absolute bejesus out of my workmates, whether perhaps I was sneezing the wrong way.
My sneezes give absolutely no warning and are shitscaringly LOUD. But even I was a bit taken aback when one of my colleagues encouraged me to “keep going” so I could have an orgasm.
There’s an urban legend doing the rounds that if you sneeze seven times in a row, you will climax spontaneously. This might have a lot of you reaching for the pepper, but if I sneezed seven times in a row, they’d need a new definition for light bladder leakage.
I have a few people in my life who sneeze consecutively, so I stopped to consider if I'd ever seen them take themselves off for some 'quiet time' when a sneezing attack started. My husband is one of these people. He sneezes without warning and with such force that it wakes our sleeping children from their slumber. I can confirm, however, that it doesn't look like he enjoys the experience.
"I think I just cracked a rib," he'll say after a particularly relentless attack. And let’s be honest: if he was getting off from sneezing, not only would he be buying white pepper in bulk, he'd also have no problem with me securing a new cat.
My best friend sneezes seven times in a row. And it’s always seven times. I have learnt not to say "bless you" until she’s done. But hers are small, almost polite sneezes. It's like she’s quietly telling you about something a little unfortunate. If this is making her feel funny in her undies, she's doing a damn good job hiding it from me.