I wondered the other day, after I sneezed and scared the absolute bejesus out of my workmates, whether perhaps I was sneezing the wrong way.
My sneezes give absolutely no warning and are shitscaringly LOUD. But even I was a bit taken aback when one of my colleagues encouraged me to “keep going” so I could have an orgasm.
There’s an urban legend doing the rounds that if you sneeze seven times in a row, you will climax spontaneously. This might have a lot of you reaching for the pepper, but if I sneezed seven times in a row, they’d need a new definition for light bladder leakage.
I have a few people in my life who sneeze consecutively, so I stopped to consider if I'd ever seen them take themselves off for some 'quiet time' when a sneezing attack started. My husband is one of these people. He sneezes without warning and with such force that it wakes our sleeping children from their slumber. I can confirm, however, that it doesn't look like he enjoys the experience.
"I think I just cracked a rib," he'll say after a particularly relentless attack. And let’s be honest: if he was getting off from sneezing, not only would he be buying white pepper in bulk, he'd also have no problem with me securing a new cat.
My best friend sneezes seven times in a row. And it’s always seven times. I have learnt not to say "bless you" until she’s done. But hers are small, almost polite sneezes. It's like she’s quietly telling you about something a little unfortunate. If this is making her feel funny in her undies, she's doing a damn good job hiding it from me.
But back to the original question. Is the Big O achievable from sneezing? Sorry people, but according to myth-busting website SNOPES, the answer is a big, fat, resounding NO.
So back away from the pantry, ladies and gents. Nothing good can come from continuous sneezing.
I did, however, learn this little ditty about sneezing:
Once – A wish.
Twice – A kiss.
Three times – A letter.
Four times – Something better.
Guess that means you guys with hay fever are about to win the lottery.
Oh, and if you haven't already seen this cute sneezing panda baby, you're welcome. (Post continues after video):
Here are some other stories about sneezing we can now clear up:
- You can't keep your eyes open when you sneeze. While it is impossible for most people to keep their eyes open during the process, some rare folks are capable of it.
- If you did manage to sneeze with your eyes open, your eyes would pop out of your head. Um, no. The people who do manage to sneeze with their eyes open don't go blind from it. Eye sockets are made of bone, they aren't connected to the nasal passages, and there are no muscles behind the eyes that contract when you sneeze, so there's really no mechanism involved in a sneeze that could force your eyes out of their sockets.
- It's possible to crack a rib by sneezing. The jury is still out on this one.
- Holding in a sneeze can cause damage your hearing. Halting a sneeze in progress by pinching your nose could result in the rupture of an eardrum, as you are rerouting the force of the expulsion into the eustachian tube (which connects the back of the throat to the middle ear) and then to your eardrum. So perhaps don't try it.
- Your heart stops when you sneeze. No, it neither stops nor pauses.
Got a sneezing issue? We'd love to know in the comments.